This is what make British summers so great. We talk about it all the time. Yeah, hot, sticky days and even stickier nights are thuh beeeest.
Even the light touch of a pinkie finger gets so damn sweaty that it just slides right off your body. In an ideal world where nothing embarrassing ever happens, the beach is the ultimate location for all your sexual escapades. Waves lapping at your toes, the setting sun bathing your arse in a flattering orange glow, the sea as your soundtrack.
So many places to do it: In reality, though, it could possibly be one of the worst bang spots of all time. Perfect place for a romantic stroll, yes. Perfect place to get it in? If you pay close attention, popular culture often tells us not to trust the beach as a bang spot. Stephen Spielberg warned that a late night frolic in the ocean leads to inevitable death by shark, Danny Boyle taught us in The Beach that, even if the sex goes well, even if the sea glows with a million beautiful amoebas as you mutually climax, ultimately people will come to your beach hut, and they will try to kill you yes, those two things were intrinsically linked in the film, go back and watch it again.
I can see why you perhaps felt the opposite. Did T-Spoon trick you into thinking sex on the beach was a good idea, too? You cannot be blamed, my dear boy. All the panpipes, the tight rhymes, the sweet dance moves, the galdem, the galdem, the galdem, woah. So how common is this fantasy?
Turns out, the want to risk public humiliation and have sex in public or out in nature is not all that uncommon. A study in Quebec published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine asked men and women to rank 55 sexual fantasies. Of all these people Statistically speaking, however, it seems the amount of women that have these kinds of fantasies are much higher: What are the dangers of sex on the beach? Let me tell you, no good can come from getting friendly down in the sand, Danny Zuko style.
You are going to have bigger problems than cigarette butts stuck to your behind. First of all, the sea is choc-a-bloc with faecal matter. Just remember that next time you try and open your eyes underwater: After heavy rainfall, the risk of polluted sea water goes up. This is because sewage overflows are operated more frequently during heavy rain, which divert excess sewage right into the ocean. Used condoms can have a devastating effect on wildlife if dumped in the sea or left on beaches.
Just imagine some poor seagull, choking to death on your dirty rubber. Sure seagulls are aggressive and obnoxious and they steal your chips, but not even they deserve such a humiliating death. Is It Even Legal? Well, the rules vary from country to country. Which is why Sex and Relationship Expert Annbelle Knight stresses the importance of finding somewhere secluded: Gather round the campfire, guys, because I have one last horror story for you: Like, actually stuck together.
Physically unable to part. Whilst getting hot and heavy in the ocean the lovebirds found themselves in a spot of bother when, due to suction, they had trouble untangling.
Calling a stranger over from the shore to hand them a towel, they were eventually separated at the hospital after doctors gave the woman an injection usually used to dilate the cervix of pregnant women during labour. Well, I mean, I just have so many questions. How did they get to the hospital? Did they have to wait in the waiting room? How did they both fit on the hospital bed?
And we all thought unwanted sand placement was the worst thing to come out of banging at the beach. Whilst sea sex might seem hella romantic, it does come with some health risks.
Those pollutants and bacteria we talked about earlier? Binta says that they have a way of getting into your body: Sounds like a bad idea all round, right? Can you use a condom that has sand on it? The sand, if on the condom both inside and out, will cause friction to the skin during sex and will be unpleasant as well as increasing risks of STI transmission.
Can you use a condom in water? Can sperm live in water? Ah, the age old question. Can sperm swim like loaded sea monkeys right up inside your girl? Can you get her pregnant in water without even being inside her? Is it possible to contract a disease or infection from your surroundings on the beach? As Binta said earlier, bacteria that lives in the sand can cause urinary tract infections and gastrointestinal infections, and depending on where you are in the world, parasitic infections, like worms that can get under your skin, can cause rather unpleasant symptoms.
What positions are best for the beach? So you still want to do it, huh? That shows commitment, and we will reward you accordingly. When it comes to sex on the beach, you need to think stealth.
It will also mean that you can easily reach around her with one hand to treat her to dual stimulation and the potential of a blended orgasm. As Annabelle rightly says, sand gets everywhere. Which can make sex a bit of a workout , because it all becomes about elevation. What to pack for your beach adventure A beach bag is essential for any trip out to the pure shores of the ocean, but unlike your usual beach bag, this one is going to be filled with props for your sexcapades, rather than warm sandwiches and a Dan Brown novel.
Annabelle says a couple of good-sized beach towels are essential if you want to keep your nethers sand-free. But what she says is really important, is protection from the sun: To make things even better treat yourself to a sexy smelling one to add to the moment.
Sun Bum is my recommendation for anyone wanting to get frisky on the beach.