Catch up with all installments of Worse Weekends Than You by visiting the archive. Email your stories to will grandex. To cap off those four weeks from home, I spent the final three days of the last work week at a golf tournament getting the star treatment from The PGA Tour. To say that moving into a new office today is slapping me in the face would be an understatement.
As always, we break some of the following stories down on Touching Base subscribe on iTunes and SoundCloud. All the episodes can be found below. It only took being kicked out of Epcot for me to realize this. Let me set the stage.
So I graduated college back in the spring of and am comfortably employed making decent money. Some of my buddies are still in college and when one said he had a timeshare in Orlando and they were going down for spring break I immediately agreed thinking I could still hang.
Boy was I wrong. I landed in Orlando and was immediately greeted with mini bottles of fireball. The drinking continued through the night. Multiple clothes were stained green and we were asked to leave from more than one bar. Our side of the restaurant was full when we got there and within 15 minutes all of the other patrons had either left early or moved to the other side of the restaurant.
Probably a smart move on their part. After spending 30 mins trying wake him up we eventually all got out of there and turned in for the night. Our main goal was to complete the Drinking Around the World bar crawl aka getting at least one drink at every country. We dove right in with some Avion margs at Mexico and it went from there. We bounced from country to country drinking and being those guys they warn you to stay away from.
After being asked to move on from the pub in the UK we hit our last stop in Canada. From there we were all very inebriated and decided to ride some rides. The first ride is spaceship earth in the big Epcot ball with no lap restraints. Of course the ride breaks down and my buddy Cam decides to jump out and start messing with the animatronics.
A father with two small children started getting into a yelling contest with Cam so another friend jumped out and walked up to the other cart where he was immediately dropped by this father. Security came and was about to escort us out but then decided we could finish the ride first.
Cam just yells and throws the double birds for the rest of the ride. Sure enough security was waiting at the end and made sure to escort us all out. We definitely needed to leave. Eventually everyone made there way back to the resort and we passed out. Those are essentially post-grad spring breaks. I used to do this thing in college where before going out for the night I would add a bunch of stuff to the online shopping cart of whatever store I wanted to get stuff from at the time.
Think Man outfitters type stuff, nothing wild. Getting a phone call from American Express wanting to discuss your recent Neiman Marcus charge will sober anyone up but hey really looking forward to them Gucci bits. I once woke up and discovered that I had drunkenly purchased an entire linen suit.
Seriously, shop at Man Outfitters. Our new stuff is dope. Started off the day by missing the whole parade in my city. Proceeded to go to a bar where a girl was throwing up on a table and onto her hair at 3pm. Other random girls proceeded to follow. The rest of the day time was low key and full of green beer, until the night time hit.
Dancing and drinks were flowing and I got fingered on the dance floor. Fun stuff but not something to be doing at almost Only damage done though was to my ego. Patrick must be really ashamed of us all. Too much for a Monday morning. Just far too much. I kind of just need to share with a third-party to ease some of the anxiety. I skipped 6th grade and never fully grasped grammar. I think you know there is a huge difference in drinking capabilities between these two ages.
At a Greenville bar. Bought everyone Irish car bombs. A waitress is walking around with Jell-O shots. Jump to me leaning against a tree. Apparently I said something offensive and the group left me. I sat on the ground with my knees up. In a skirt flashing everyone. A cop comes over and threatens to arrest me. The girls carry me away.
They put me in one of those camping chairs and feed me a plain hot dog bun. They even cleaned up my knee. For some reason I completely forget that Uber exists and start firing off messages on Hinge asking for a ride. We can calm down at my place. A rando guy gives me a ride home but insists on coming in my apartment and kissing me.
I make him leave and fall asleep holding my dog. The real MVPs are the girls who helped a sista out. If I knew who they were I would make it rain. Hey, that actually makes me feel a lot better!! Time to see if everyone actually hates me! Nothing in the world could make me come to the decision that you came to.
Not knowing anyone in a new city is a blessing to me, not a reason to hang out with a bunch of year-olds. Long time reader, first time submitter, yada yada.
Finally recovered enough to tell this story. Ill start with a short backstory so that everything going forward makes more sense. I live in southern california and like a significant portion of my peers, I enjoy surfing. A few months ago, I was out a couple days after a storm surge and got mashed by a wave. My board washed into the beach and I swam into grab it. As the swell was pretty rough I arrived a few minutes after said board.
It had washed into some poor girls photo shoot and she had proceeded to use it as a prop. I agreed to let her take a few more pictures with it if i could get her contact info once she was finished.
I get what I assumed was a fake and she gets to use my surfboard. Heres were the real story begins. A few days go by and I shoot her a text. We begin a conversation and start to realize that we have a great deal in common.
Turns out she was on vacay and is a NYU grad student on exchange in Paris who hails from the balkans. Confusing as shit, I know. Any ways, texts turn to skype calls and we talk close to every other day. This just happens to coincide with an already planned trip to europe. She invites me to her birthday and I went for it. Needless to say, the first part of the trip was great, a week split with family south of Milan and the family lakehouse on Como.
The second part of the week is where the wheels come off the bus. Turns out every stereotype about eastern europe is true. Every single one and then some. I arrive in her home country and get the full experience. The first couple of days are at her parents house. Okay at first until the first days lunch. I agree and from there the descent into a week long alcohol and drug fueled bender begins. Turns out Rakija is a custom with every meal with heavy beers in between. After dinner pregame for the clubs start with more Rakija, beer and whatever else was in the vicinity.