Uncategorized A recent survey performed by Vanity Fair and 60 Minutes asked Americans to reveal the biggest threats to marriage. The number one answer was: One out of four Americans believes that jealousy is the biggest threat to marital bliss.
What were the next contenders? After jealousy in the 1 spot, survey respondents identified these following threats: Today I will start with the top threat that plagues so many couples. Jealousy Feelings of jealousy are natural and healthy. And many of us have experienced infidelity in the past. Maybe your first wife cheated on you or maybe you witnessed your father cheating on your mother throughout your childhood.
If you have these thorns in your past, it can be very difficult to open your heart again. But I promise you it is possible. Understand what jealousy is. At its core, jealousy is nothing other than fear. Fear of not being good enough. People who struggle with jealousy tend to grapple with insecurity throughout their lives, not just in their relationships. You will exist in a space of trust, not only with your spouse, but with the universe itself.
Accept that you are currently holding feelings of jealousy and that these feelings are damaging to your relationship. You might think that you are coming off as confident and secure, but your energy will be saying: After a while, your partner will feel completely shut off from you, only they may have no clue why the coldness has occurred. You love them so much you are afraid to let yourself really feel it.
So step 1 must be admitting that jealousy exists. I am not happy with how I am currently dealing with my fear, but I believe that my jealousy can change. Find the gift in your jealousy. As I outlined above, often many people try to run from or hide their feelings of jealousy.
We know that jealousy is not a desirable quality, so we try to squash it or we shame ourselves for feeling it. It makes you human. Proof that you care deeply about your relationship. Proof that love matters to you. That you are loyal, ethical and committed to monogamy.
Rather than running from it, I encourage you to actually give your jealousy a name. She even bought a small statue of Hera which she placed in her meditation closet.
It was a visual reminder of the ferocious, unfailing love that she had for her husband, as well as the dangerous side of that love: The need to control.
The need to own. Able to be hurt. The fact that she was so deeply in love, so deeply human and so deeply vulnerable. I have been waiting all day to wrap my arms around you. How would you feel if you felt completely safe in your relationship?
You would probably feel adored and cherished. You would feel as if your relationship was the firm foundation on which you could build the rest of your life. Physically, you would feel light, open, and warm. I want to invite you to start feeling that way right now. As I have discussed in previous blogs, when it comes to energy: If you go around feeling jealous, bitter or insecure, your energy will invite experiences that validate your negative emotional state. You will notice how frumpy you look standing next to your pretty neighbor.
You will pick at your partner and criticize them, certain that they find you unlovable. Give the silent treatment. You may even cheat! Yes, it is often true that people who are the most jealous are the ones who are most likely to stray themselves. We are looking for someone else to make us feel good. Make us feel attractive. You can start feeling that way right now. You are the author of your own reality.
You get to choose what thoughts you allow to reign in your mind. You get to create your own beliefs. How incredible is that? Jealousy becomes to ego, to an ego which says: I have to be number one. I have to be in control. I have to work hard all the time to ensure that I am worthy of love.
But when you are in a state of home frequency, you say: My partner and I are one. I am in control of my mind, mood and energy. I am worthy of love simply by existing, exactly as I am.