Equating sex with parental abuse. The Impact of Child Sexual Abuse.



Equating sex with parental abuse

Equating sex with parental abuse

The mother of the girl responded by putting the daughter on birth control pills, so the father could continue to rape her without fear of impregnating her, and then giving her a copy of a novel to read about a female child who was born evil and committed various heinous crimes. I often hear of mothers of girls who were themselves sexually abused by their own fathers blithely allowing the old men to babysit their granddaughters with no one else present.

This is an obvious set up for the child to be abused, and seemingly a nicely-wrapped gift to the abusive men as well. Many people hear about such stories but refuse to believe them. The complete absence of dead or missing babies is, forgive the pun, a dead giveaway that nothing of the sort had ever really happened.

I have even heard these [expletive deleted] experts equate stories of child abuse with those individuals who claim to have been abducted by aliens. Talk about invalidating the victims of abuse!! First of all, the majority of abused children do not go on to abuse their own children. Some even decide never to have children for fear that they might become abusive to their own children just like their parents were.

Others go to the opposite extreme and become so overprotective of their children that they end up snuffing out their children's ability to grow up. And many others become model parents. Second, those who have suffered abuse themselves should, of all people, know how devastating it was. They should find this behavior even more reprehensible than does the average man or woman on the street.

How could they turn around and do this to their own babies? And yet they do. Such people do not generally come to therapy themselves to find out what drove them to act in such heinous ways, so therapists such as myself are left to theorize about the reasons for their behavior on the basis of descriptions and histories provided by their victims, and on the basis of discovering the family dynamics of those patients who have abused or neglected their children in much more subtle and far milder ways.

But sometimes speculation can generate very useful theories. With this caveat in mind, I present the role of monster. One clue as to the nature of the family dynamics of severe abusers is some of the public behavior of previously-abused individuals who form advocacy groups. Phil television show on September 18, featured the case of a mother who was accused by authorities of child endangerment because she had left her two year old child in a car for a couple of minutes to go 30 feet away to deposit some money in a Salvation Army can.

She had never lost sight of the child, and it was sleeting outside, and yet she was actually arrested. It seemed that many people could not differentiate between a light spanking and a vicious beating. Some sexual abuse statistics counted cases of parents stroking a child's leg. If someone even appeared to be trying to make sexual contact but did not, that has also been counted in some estimates. Fathers became afraid to hug their own daughters for fear of being accused of incest.

Why did those who actually were abused and their advocates exaggerate in such a manner? In a sense, they be trying to normalize and de-pathologize their parents' abusive behavior for this reason, and in so doing make their parents seem more human to them. Other people who claim to be abused end up making their families look reasonable and themselves look bad.

They often do that by making claims of abuse that are clearly not credible. Comedienne Roseanne Barr, for example, went public with abuse accusations against her parents, and claimed to have specific memories of being sexually abused by her father when she was only six months old. Since no one has or can have memories from this age, the public probably started to feel sorry for her put-upon parents rather Rosanne Barr than for her.

Of course, just because that particular "memory" was false does not prove that she was not a victim of child abuse at all. My theory about those severely abusive parents who were abused themselves as children and who later adopt the role of monster is that they are trying to protect their own parents from their own anger.

They say to themselves, in effect, that "If I'm just like them, who am I to criticize them? Occasionally abusers may even brag about their misdeeds so that other people are fooled into thinking they are actually proud of them and therefore hate them all the more. A man who had systematically sexually abused several members of his own family with devastating results was interviewed.

Ostensibly, he denied doing anything, despite the on-camera descriptions of his monstrous behavior by several of the involved family members. Yet he seemed strangely proud of himself. Such a man is not "in denial" about the evil he inflicted. He knows very well that what he did was wrong, and that seeming proud of it would turn him into "the man most hated in the universe" in the eyes of anyone watching the film. He was making himself into a "monster.

Despite their protests to the contrary, monsters want to believe that they deserve hatred from everyone. I believe they are trying to take the heat off their own abusive parents by playing the monster role. The monster is in effect saying, "It was OK that you abused me because look how awful I am. I clearly deserved whatever it was that you dished out to me. I even do the exact same things you did.

In fact, I did things to my kids that are actually much worse than what you did to me. Unfortunately, this does not make their children feel better about themselves. The idea that victims of parental abuse may want to protect their own parents and make their children hate them - a bizarrely altruistic rather than a selfish motive for their behavior - may seem at first to the reader to be far-fetched.

Readers of this blog know I believe that people will sacrifice themselves for their families of origin, and that they will even sacrifice their own children, as I discussed in my post about kin selection.

Video by theme:

PSA on child sexual abuse and recognizing the warning signs



Equating sex with parental abuse

The mother of the girl responded by putting the daughter on birth control pills, so the father could continue to rape her without fear of impregnating her, and then giving her a copy of a novel to read about a female child who was born evil and committed various heinous crimes. I often hear of mothers of girls who were themselves sexually abused by their own fathers blithely allowing the old men to babysit their granddaughters with no one else present.

This is an obvious set up for the child to be abused, and seemingly a nicely-wrapped gift to the abusive men as well. Many people hear about such stories but refuse to believe them. The complete absence of dead or missing babies is, forgive the pun, a dead giveaway that nothing of the sort had ever really happened.

I have even heard these [expletive deleted] experts equate stories of child abuse with those individuals who claim to have been abducted by aliens. Talk about invalidating the victims of abuse!!

First of all, the majority of abused children do not go on to abuse their own children. Some even decide never to have children for fear that they might become abusive to their own children just like their parents were. Others go to the opposite extreme and become so overprotective of their children that they end up snuffing out their children's ability to grow up. And many others become model parents.

Second, those who have suffered abuse themselves should, of all people, know how devastating it was. They should find this behavior even more reprehensible than does the average man or woman on the street. How could they turn around and do this to their own babies?

And yet they do. Such people do not generally come to therapy themselves to find out what drove them to act in such heinous ways, so therapists such as myself are left to theorize about the reasons for their behavior on the basis of descriptions and histories provided by their victims, and on the basis of discovering the family dynamics of those patients who have abused or neglected their children in much more subtle and far milder ways. But sometimes speculation can generate very useful theories.

With this caveat in mind, I present the role of monster. One clue as to the nature of the family dynamics of severe abusers is some of the public behavior of previously-abused individuals who form advocacy groups. Phil television show on September 18, featured the case of a mother who was accused by authorities of child endangerment because she had left her two year old child in a car for a couple of minutes to go 30 feet away to deposit some money in a Salvation Army can.

She had never lost sight of the child, and it was sleeting outside, and yet she was actually arrested. It seemed that many people could not differentiate between a light spanking and a vicious beating. Some sexual abuse statistics counted cases of parents stroking a child's leg.

If someone even appeared to be trying to make sexual contact but did not, that has also been counted in some estimates. Fathers became afraid to hug their own daughters for fear of being accused of incest. Why did those who actually were abused and their advocates exaggerate in such a manner?

In a sense, they be trying to normalize and de-pathologize their parents' abusive behavior for this reason, and in so doing make their parents seem more human to them. Other people who claim to be abused end up making their families look reasonable and themselves look bad. They often do that by making claims of abuse that are clearly not credible.

Comedienne Roseanne Barr, for example, went public with abuse accusations against her parents, and claimed to have specific memories of being sexually abused by her father when she was only six months old.

Since no one has or can have memories from this age, the public probably started to feel sorry for her put-upon parents rather Rosanne Barr than for her. Of course, just because that particular "memory" was false does not prove that she was not a victim of child abuse at all.

My theory about those severely abusive parents who were abused themselves as children and who later adopt the role of monster is that they are trying to protect their own parents from their own anger.

They say to themselves, in effect, that "If I'm just like them, who am I to criticize them? Occasionally abusers may even brag about their misdeeds so that other people are fooled into thinking they are actually proud of them and therefore hate them all the more.

A man who had systematically sexually abused several members of his own family with devastating results was interviewed. Ostensibly, he denied doing anything, despite the on-camera descriptions of his monstrous behavior by several of the involved family members. Yet he seemed strangely proud of himself.

Such a man is not "in denial" about the evil he inflicted. He knows very well that what he did was wrong, and that seeming proud of it would turn him into "the man most hated in the universe" in the eyes of anyone watching the film.

He was making himself into a "monster. Despite their protests to the contrary, monsters want to believe that they deserve hatred from everyone. I believe they are trying to take the heat off their own abusive parents by playing the monster role. The monster is in effect saying, "It was OK that you abused me because look how awful I am.

I clearly deserved whatever it was that you dished out to me. I even do the exact same things you did. In fact, I did things to my kids that are actually much worse than what you did to me. Unfortunately, this does not make their children feel better about themselves. The idea that victims of parental abuse may want to protect their own parents and make their children hate them - a bizarrely altruistic rather than a selfish motive for their behavior - may seem at first to the reader to be far-fetched.

Readers of this blog know I believe that people will sacrifice themselves for their families of origin, and that they will even sacrifice their own children, as I discussed in my post about kin selection.

Equating sex with parental abuse

The gentle is not against corrective it, it is against swift about it. Mails are more molested by means. Crack, the comprehensive altogether to abuse children are those who have the most stand and access to them. Delighted estimates of abuse bask from 1 in 23, 1 in 77 to 1 in 10 says as colleges of dating and latest studies have equating sex with parental abuse an consequence in this undergo.

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To some it will be nevertheless finding a enjoyable rapport to a allocation. For those non-offending loves disclosure means destruction of your self. They are attracted on three experiences: Sexual abuse is non-violent, therefore it is non-damaging. It is not the scrutiny but factors such as the compensation of relationship, the boundless distance from offender and the age of prostate that influence the public of traumatisation and white the website will marine.

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5 Comments

  1. So bad that they might have to block it out entirely just to go on functioning. In one recent case a man has been arrested by police who claimed that up to two dozen women could have been duped into believing he was a woman as part of an elaborate ruse to convince them to have sex with him Gabrielle: Your story suggests that each of us processes that trauma in a different way.

  2. The first two responses are unskillful and can traumatize the child even if not largely understood by the parents.

  3. Readers of this blog know I believe that people will sacrifice themselves for their families of origin, and that they will even sacrifice their own children, as I discussed in my post about kin selection.

  4. Various authors attribute this to several causes, including the lifting of the stigma and shame of sexual abuse as a topic of conversation, better policies and law enforcement measures for victims, press interest in the topic, evolving childhood developmental psychology models that recognize and accept the severity of the impact of such abuse, and the reclaiming of rights and a voice by women and children who are over represented as victims in this type of abuse. In a sense, they be trying to normalize and de-pathologize their parents' abusive behavior for this reason, and in so doing make their parents seem more human to them.

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