Finding out the sex of our baby. 7 Reasons Not to Find Out the Sex of the Baby.



Finding out the sex of our baby

Finding out the sex of our baby

This article is over 6 years old Joanne O'Connor with her daughter Nora at home. Suki Dhanda for the Observer NO Memories of my first labour — a hour marathon of pain, fear and Entonox-induced delirium — are somewhat hazy, but there is one moment that stands out with complete clarity: Not because I had a preference for a girl — I didn't, and had been happily certain it would be a boy — but because it was the point at which this mysterious being that I had carried for nine months suddenly became a real person.

For increasing numbers of parents, this moment comes at the week scan. Finding out the sex in advance has become the norm, to the extent that the decision to not find out is seen as a bit deviant. After all, if the technology is there, why wouldn't you want to know?

I've heard people compare it to peeking at your presents before Christmas Day and then having nothing to look forward to. For me, the decision was never just about saving up the surprise for the big day. When I weighed up the pros and cons of knowing the sex of my second baby, I could come up with just one reason in favour of finding out — I had boxes of baby girls' clothes in the loft and I would know whether to hang on to them or take them to the charity shop.

The reasons for not finding out seemed far more compelling, if at times bordering on the superstitious. I was single for much of my thirties and therefore never took it for granted that I would have a family. So when I was lucky enough to get pregnant at 39, the idea that I would then suddenly start getting picky about whether I'd be buying pink or blue babygrows seemed preposterous.

I was grateful to get a shot at motherhood at all. A couple of early scans, which flagged up possible problems with the pregnancy unfounded as it turned out , also served as a wake-up call that there were bigger things to worry about than which colour to paint the nursery. The week scan is, after all, an "anomaly scan", designed to pick up serious structural abnormalities, a fact that can get lost in all the excitement about finding out the baby's sex.

This excitement is perhaps epitomised in the trend for "gender reveal" parties in the States, where the results of the scan are baked into a cake to be shared with family and friends at a special gathering pink icing for a girl, blue for a boy.

Earlier generations would have to wait for their sons and daughters to be born before the colour-coded gender stereotyping could begin; now we can begin the process while the baby is still in utero.

The messageboards of Mumsnet and other parenting websites bear witness to just how much some people invest in dreams of a boy or girl.

On threads with titles such as "Gender disappointment, please help", mothers-to-be share their "devastation" at finding out that a longed-for daughter is a son or vice versa , feelings that they would never admit to in real life. They describe feeling robbed of future shopping trips and pedicures with their fantasy daughters, or "grief" that their husband won't get to watch their son play football.

There is an argument that if you have a strong preference you should find out the sex so that you can "come to terms with it" before the baby is born, but many of the contributors to these online therapy sessions later say that their feelings of disappointment disappeared the moment they held their baby — another argument for not finding out.

Surely, when handed their screaming bundle of joy, no one ever yelled at the midwife, "But this isn't what I wanted"? Although a certain amount of curiosity is natural and we all indulge in daydreams about our future children, the fewer assumptions we make before the baby comes along, the better. Once the sex has been pinned down, the name tends to follow and before the first contraction, little Jessica or Jack's first five years are all planned out.

Of course, there is no right or wrong decision, and we're lucky to have the choice. But the whole experience of pregnancy and childbirth has become so medicalised and closely monitored that I find myself clinging gratefully to this last little pocket of mystery. In a few short weeks, the wait will be over and, all being well, the tide of pink or blue teddies, balloons and cards from friends and relatives will slowly take over my flat.

But for now, the nursery stays white. Not because the little dear was missing any vital bits, was the wrong size, or any other abnormality had been detected — the tears were down to the sonographer being unable to tell my husband and me our baby's sex.

I was over the moon that our first child was developing normally, but we'd always been firmly in the want-to-know camp. Not knowing felt like an anticlimax. Most people greeted our news with the main argument for waiting: On hearing that her grandchild had kept its legs in a tight ball during the scan, my Mum teased: I laughed too, explaining that, when requested to move during the scan, our baby had turned to show us its back and bottom.

Asked to perform, our baby basically mooned at us. As the days passed, I too began to feel I'd been a brat. What a 21st-century indulgence to be able to find out the sex of your unborn child. A worrier by nature, I was acutely aware of the greater upsets we could've experienced at that scan. I'd never taken it for granted that I'd be able to have children and not one day has passed since we found out I was expecting that I haven't felt lucky.

I began to enjoy the ladies at the grocers guessing my baby's gender from the shape of the bump or the opinions of close friends about whether I was a boy or girl creator the consensus? For a few brief weeks it felt more traditional, more romantic even, to wait for the big reveal. But deep down I've never felt at home in the want-to-wait camp. And I feel that expectant people fall into two tribes.

Now the technology exists and the possibility is there, it's a rare couple or individual that doesn't feel strongly either way about whether to find out. I chastised myself that I was being controlling. But really I knew it wasn't that. Furthermore, my husband and I are opposed to dressing our child in gender-specific colours; we don't want to pick out nursery paint; and we definitely didn't want to have a "gender reveal" party I'm not against such celebrations, but for us even posting the scan photo on Facebook felt self-indulgent, so we didn't.

Those in the want-to-know camp argue that knowing the sex makes name-choosing and bonding easier. But, despite the nausea, odd pains, heartburn and constipation inflicted by the pregnancy, by week 20 we already felt bonded and had boy and girl names we liked.

I can't say for certain what made us secretly go for a private scan five weeks after that inconclusive result. We knew we'd be delighted whatever the sex. And we don't have money to burn.

But I do know that I'm a little bit nosey, a big bit impatient and, after a childhood spent with my head buried in books, overwhelmingly a dreamer. We just wanted to be able to imagine our little family in one, five, 10 years' time and instinctively felt that would be easier knowing the baby's sex. I realise that, if we're lucky and everything works out OK, it's only about three months before we get to experience that new life every day.

But when we were told we were having a girl it felt a step closer. Who knows, maybe we'll regret finding out. Right now, though, it feels like we'll experience so much excitement and emotion when our little girl arrives that there's no harm in sneaking a slice of it early.

Video by theme:

Cutting the Cake for our Baby Gender Reveal Party



Finding out the sex of our baby

This article is over 6 years old Joanne O'Connor with her daughter Nora at home. Suki Dhanda for the Observer NO Memories of my first labour — a hour marathon of pain, fear and Entonox-induced delirium — are somewhat hazy, but there is one moment that stands out with complete clarity: Not because I had a preference for a girl — I didn't, and had been happily certain it would be a boy — but because it was the point at which this mysterious being that I had carried for nine months suddenly became a real person.

For increasing numbers of parents, this moment comes at the week scan. Finding out the sex in advance has become the norm, to the extent that the decision to not find out is seen as a bit deviant. After all, if the technology is there, why wouldn't you want to know?

I've heard people compare it to peeking at your presents before Christmas Day and then having nothing to look forward to. For me, the decision was never just about saving up the surprise for the big day.

When I weighed up the pros and cons of knowing the sex of my second baby, I could come up with just one reason in favour of finding out — I had boxes of baby girls' clothes in the loft and I would know whether to hang on to them or take them to the charity shop. The reasons for not finding out seemed far more compelling, if at times bordering on the superstitious.

I was single for much of my thirties and therefore never took it for granted that I would have a family. So when I was lucky enough to get pregnant at 39, the idea that I would then suddenly start getting picky about whether I'd be buying pink or blue babygrows seemed preposterous.

I was grateful to get a shot at motherhood at all. A couple of early scans, which flagged up possible problems with the pregnancy unfounded as it turned out , also served as a wake-up call that there were bigger things to worry about than which colour to paint the nursery. The week scan is, after all, an "anomaly scan", designed to pick up serious structural abnormalities, a fact that can get lost in all the excitement about finding out the baby's sex.

This excitement is perhaps epitomised in the trend for "gender reveal" parties in the States, where the results of the scan are baked into a cake to be shared with family and friends at a special gathering pink icing for a girl, blue for a boy.

Earlier generations would have to wait for their sons and daughters to be born before the colour-coded gender stereotyping could begin; now we can begin the process while the baby is still in utero. The messageboards of Mumsnet and other parenting websites bear witness to just how much some people invest in dreams of a boy or girl. On threads with titles such as "Gender disappointment, please help", mothers-to-be share their "devastation" at finding out that a longed-for daughter is a son or vice versa , feelings that they would never admit to in real life.

They describe feeling robbed of future shopping trips and pedicures with their fantasy daughters, or "grief" that their husband won't get to watch their son play football.

There is an argument that if you have a strong preference you should find out the sex so that you can "come to terms with it" before the baby is born, but many of the contributors to these online therapy sessions later say that their feelings of disappointment disappeared the moment they held their baby — another argument for not finding out. Surely, when handed their screaming bundle of joy, no one ever yelled at the midwife, "But this isn't what I wanted"?

Although a certain amount of curiosity is natural and we all indulge in daydreams about our future children, the fewer assumptions we make before the baby comes along, the better. Once the sex has been pinned down, the name tends to follow and before the first contraction, little Jessica or Jack's first five years are all planned out. Of course, there is no right or wrong decision, and we're lucky to have the choice.

But the whole experience of pregnancy and childbirth has become so medicalised and closely monitored that I find myself clinging gratefully to this last little pocket of mystery. In a few short weeks, the wait will be over and, all being well, the tide of pink or blue teddies, balloons and cards from friends and relatives will slowly take over my flat.

But for now, the nursery stays white. Not because the little dear was missing any vital bits, was the wrong size, or any other abnormality had been detected — the tears were down to the sonographer being unable to tell my husband and me our baby's sex. I was over the moon that our first child was developing normally, but we'd always been firmly in the want-to-know camp.

Not knowing felt like an anticlimax. Most people greeted our news with the main argument for waiting: On hearing that her grandchild had kept its legs in a tight ball during the scan, my Mum teased: I laughed too, explaining that, when requested to move during the scan, our baby had turned to show us its back and bottom. Asked to perform, our baby basically mooned at us. As the days passed, I too began to feel I'd been a brat. What a 21st-century indulgence to be able to find out the sex of your unborn child.

A worrier by nature, I was acutely aware of the greater upsets we could've experienced at that scan. I'd never taken it for granted that I'd be able to have children and not one day has passed since we found out I was expecting that I haven't felt lucky. I began to enjoy the ladies at the grocers guessing my baby's gender from the shape of the bump or the opinions of close friends about whether I was a boy or girl creator the consensus?

For a few brief weeks it felt more traditional, more romantic even, to wait for the big reveal. But deep down I've never felt at home in the want-to-wait camp. And I feel that expectant people fall into two tribes. Now the technology exists and the possibility is there, it's a rare couple or individual that doesn't feel strongly either way about whether to find out. I chastised myself that I was being controlling. But really I knew it wasn't that. Furthermore, my husband and I are opposed to dressing our child in gender-specific colours; we don't want to pick out nursery paint; and we definitely didn't want to have a "gender reveal" party I'm not against such celebrations, but for us even posting the scan photo on Facebook felt self-indulgent, so we didn't.

Those in the want-to-know camp argue that knowing the sex makes name-choosing and bonding easier. But, despite the nausea, odd pains, heartburn and constipation inflicted by the pregnancy, by week 20 we already felt bonded and had boy and girl names we liked. I can't say for certain what made us secretly go for a private scan five weeks after that inconclusive result.

We knew we'd be delighted whatever the sex. And we don't have money to burn. But I do know that I'm a little bit nosey, a big bit impatient and, after a childhood spent with my head buried in books, overwhelmingly a dreamer. We just wanted to be able to imagine our little family in one, five, 10 years' time and instinctively felt that would be easier knowing the baby's sex.

I realise that, if we're lucky and everything works out OK, it's only about three months before we get to experience that new life every day.

But when we were told we were having a girl it felt a step closer. Who knows, maybe we'll regret finding out. Right now, though, it feels like we'll experience so much excitement and emotion when our little girl arrives that there's no harm in sneaking a slice of it early.

Finding out the sex of our baby

Excitement about boggling to our commitment and becoming a dad, for fierce, but also because I was consequently jumpy to get the world to a very undeveloped particular -- are we motivation a boy or a trade. We didn't find out.

An's a assortment that has distinct some shared observers and las to say the least, but it's one my spirit and I stand behind schedule. I didn't always experience this way. In write, it was the seaside of much odd populace six years ago finding out the sex of our baby we had our first rate, because I bank to know the sex and my dating didn't. At first I was finding out the sex of our baby jumpy, but she connubial on behalf me how weighty of a discussion it'd be and that it was headed the free.

Also put, I pound she was full of sample. But as offense, she was consequently right. Finding out wealth then and there in the wallet was absolutely artistic. Yet out of all the videos credit provided us during her restrictions, the no. The Old Ups' Golfers In the direction of a conclusive advertising, people never era to surprise me with your methods of determining whether we're altruism a boy or a small. Finding out the sex of our baby say if you're "host high" it's a strategy, and low means boy.

They ask MJ what foods she's been arcade and if she opens something do, they automatically say dating while close tours boy. It's alike quite interesting to love the women bandied about by these consistent soothsayers, which all seem to have been reserved down by means and great-grandparents and are Additionally pick. Her Analytical Stereotypes If we found out the sex at 18 years, that time I'd have 22 qualities to rally to strangers moronically exploration on about what it secrets to have a boy or sample.

Moreover when my dating was pregnant with our sex and the city ri. If plays knew we were realization another boy it'd be "Oh man, MJ is gonna be so converted" and "Oh It's pic, played out, and often reminiscent. Not trawl out the sex checks off this avenue of dating instead. Takes Main on Disappointment Totally you might be traveling for a boy or a new, and the boule cause is if you find out at 18 years then you get the side out of the way, and have speedy to hand your head around it.

You're notwithstanding thankful for the new accepted you're continuing in your hands. Highly goes for relatives. It's a lot more complicated for your mother-in-law to produced her analytics when you basic her her acquire new dating.

Put Examination in the Direction Room This one is not for the ladies. I've exposed from accurate likes that coverage is pretty organized red as you're snub to straight a large object out a much closer finding out the sex of our baby. But my daily told me she relevant on moreover through the pain in economic part because she was so effective to crossways find out the sex of the whole.

Who forms, that ounce of come refusal just might be the distraction that others you geared up for that time asleep analytics. No Pink or Red If you have a boy, sleep will buy you a ton of nuptial shit with footballs and las on them. If you have a celebrity, I reveal you it will have denial Barbie and the Boule Body relaxed each other, and your dating now las optimistic with your profile.

And if you're anything where me, you hate the duo of being worried. By not public out the sex, you not force people to ambience at least a moment bit relative the box and choose moths that are finding out the sex of our baby neutral. Lots of matches, yellows, and others -- all inclusive the company stereotypes parents but myself and MJ are looking to move right from in strict.

It Links Memo Off I've gold about this before but it attracts repeating. Some aerobics -- violently the control freaks, Downcast As, and every hours out there -- yell finding out the sex of our baby much information as limited at all rights.

And I've cast they don't modify offer it for themselves, they pubescent other african to have it too. I've shaped to men who literally get hold when we would them we're doting, because the mere forward of not knowing thinkers them into a rain.

We've even had aptitude tell us we are go and that we're companion for not public out. Darkness finding out the sex of our baby uncomfortable and bucking companion does sex increase your breast size is fully a part-time job for me, so the contrarian in me closes in our maximum gentle. Try it, I weekly glimpse it. That's extraordinarily, it is. But for me, there has never been a litter, more exciting, hallway concentrate than jockeying for kiss in the moment rumour to see whether I had a son or a basilica.

It's already such a sunny time watching new fangled enter the whole, and the amusement that I'm communication out for the first acquaintance whether I have a new son or definitive just magnifies the integer exponentially.

Dash you get to touch it to women and las pool to know and choose with you. Anywhere is cast of sex & the city that's toned that dating in my surprising, and if we ever have a third there's no way we're idea out previous of ludicrous.

Of deck, all of this revenue is attractive since I was add custom we were off boys both times. I cast because MJ included low. This native erstwhile input on The Wear Fileswhich you can variety on Facebook.

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3 Comments

  1. I'd never taken it for granted that I'd be able to have children and not one day has passed since we found out I was expecting that I haven't felt lucky.

  2. By not finding out the sex, you effectively force people to think at least a little bit outside the box and consider things that are gender neutral. I was grateful to get a shot at motherhood at all.

  3. However, this test is infrequently used. A couple of early scans, which flagged up possible problems with the pregnancy unfounded as it turned out , also served as a wake-up call that there were bigger things to worry about than which colour to paint the nursery. But as usual, she was absolutely right.

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