Continue Reading Below Advertisement Dolores Umbridge is perhaps the one person in the whole Harry Potter universe who is virtually impossible to like, no matter what angle you choose to piss on her from. And if you think we're just filling in the rape stuff with our filthy imaginations, hang on. No one sees what happens next. Continue Reading Below Advertisement What you have to realize is that there's a reason Rowling made sure it was centaurs who snatched Umbridge, rather than any of the countless other dangerous creatures in the forest like the giant spiders.
If you're familiar with the mythology of centaurs, seeing a screaming woman get hauled away by a bunch of them gives you the same feeling you get in Deliverance when Ned Beatty falls into the hands of the hillbillies, or when Bruce Willis and Ving Rhames wind up imprisoned by the same in Pulp Fiction. Centaurs rape human women -- that's what they do, that's a central part of their mythology.
In one legend, centaurs were invited to a wedding feast and attempted to rape the bride. In another, the famous centaur Nessus was killed while trying to rape a woman. That's the point of centaurs as characters -- they have the heads of men and the animal urges of horses. Continue Reading Below Advertisement People on the Internet familiar with the mythology were quick to notice this , as were feminist blogs.
After all, showing Umbridge getting dragged away by centaurs would be like having Draco Malfoy getting his comeuppance by having him get hauled into the back of a windowless van by a creepy guy with a wispy mustache. We don't need to see what happens next if we know the context. Getty The thousand-yard stare of a woman who knows her centaurs. Now, if that had been the last time we saw Umbridge in the series, then you could say, OK, maybe these centaurs are different, maybe they just trampled her to death or stabbed her or tied her to a tree and strapped a bag full of oats to her face.
But Umbridge comes back, and comes back suffering from some kind of major trauma that didn't involve any damage to the visible parts of her body. Here's Rowling's depiction of her in the aftermath: Since she had returned to the castle she had not, as far as any of them knew, uttered a single word. Nobody really knew what was wrong with her, either. Her usually neat mousy hair was very untidy and there were still bits of twigs and leaves in it, but otherwise she seemed to be quite unscathed.
Umbridge sat bolt upright, looking around wildly. Continue Reading Below 'No To Make It Even Weirder At least one of those two knows that centaurs are rape machines. It's Hermione, the character whose main purpose in the plot is to know absolutely everything. Potter gets in a witty, James Bond-esque quip as she's being dragged away, and Hermione seems satisfied that mass horse rape is a fitting punishment.
We like to think that on the way back to school, Harry asked "So what do you suppose those centaurs are going to do to the professor? And that was the day Harry learned that you do not mess with Hermione Granger. I'm going to just enjoy this for a bit.