We asked seven sex therapists and psychologists from around the country to share the problems people in relationships bring up most frequently in their offices. See what they had to say below. Eivaisla Images "Women who come into my office often tell me they wish they could climax the 'real' way -- through intercourse. The clitoris, however, not the vagina is the center of her sexual and pleasure nerve endings. In fact, only about percent of all women can climax during sexual intercourse and even then she needs lots of vibration, manual or oral stimulation to get her close.
For those who still want to try likely positions, I recommend two with good G-spot-penile contact: Either woman-on-top at a 45 degree angle, or woman-lying-on-her-back on a relatively firm surface with her hips rocked up for instance, with her knees hooked around his elbows. One partner wants sex more often than the other and in a more erotic way. In the beginning of a relationship, the higher desire partner probably kept the erotic energy going in the marriage and it was fun and sexy.
If that's the case, it's a hard climb over that kind of resentment in bed. To move beyond performance anxiety, men need to focus on their own bodies and pleasure and worry a little less about their partners.
Learning to focus on pleasure, relaxing your body and your breath and letting yourself enjoy the experience help tremendously. If you're his partner, it's essential not to take it personally and to be gentle with him. Supportive partners who do not require that their partners function perfectly all the time have the best chance of resolving these issues. D and Celeste Hirschman M. A Eivaisla Images "People frequently tell me they want more variety in the bedroom.
As time goes on, partners may express more desire for novelty or feel more comfortable letting their partner know they have certain activities they want to explore. While one partner might enjoy getting a few slaps on the behind or experimenting with anal play, the other may not want to try. I usually ask the woman if she has ever done Kegel exercises and I recommend she do twenty reps three times a day.
If she wants quicker results, there are medical devices such as the Apex which inflates to fit and does your Kegel exercises for you through gentle electric stimulation. I also remind them that there is more to satisfying sex than just intercourse, such as mutual masturbation, oral sex and incorporating sex toys into their sexual pleasure. Without a clear answer, I end up asking a ton of questions trying to decipher why.
If it's because he feels too dependent or too close to his partner, distancing is the goal. Most commonly, men complain to me about not getting the loving contact they want. He may feel she goes through the motions, treats sex like a chore, or just lies there when he wants more love, contact, emotion and presence. But this shuts men down; they want more passion than that. It's more than touch. There can be many underlying reasons why women are experiencing low desire.
They might have had a lot of negative learning in their lives telling them that they were not supposed to want sex, they might not have been able to express their main fantasies or changing sexual desires to their partner or they might be feeling emotionally disconnected. This problem can often lead to sexless marriages or relationships. In the case of low desire, women need to get back in touch with their bodies and learn to ask for what they want.
I think its notable that most of these guys are in their late 20s or 30s. They're past the stage of hooking up and they want to love their partner. I think they're trying to integrate sex and love after years of separating the two. For instance, a cancer patient might feel too broken or undesirable for sex, while their partner feels helpless. I encourage them to do different kinds of touching such as cuddling, massaging with feather light strokes, kissing and even just holding hands regularly.
Bathing together can also be a healing experience that helps reduce strain on joints, relax muscles and increase blood flow. For something more sexual, if the person is sick feels self-conscious or insecure, I recommend he or she blindfold their partner and make love to them so they feel less self-conscious.
They are distracted by work, by young kids or the business of everyday life. Whoever was the traditional initiator of sex stops initiating. The truth is, it's not your fault or theirs. Your sex life belongs to both of you.