Avoiding Falling in Love 1 Know that having sex does not mean that you need to fall in love. Having sex and falling in love are very different things. Love, however, is a complex and nuanced emotion that develops over time, building as you get to know someone emotionally and socially, not just physically.
After orgasm women release a hormone called oxytocin, also known as the "cuddle chemical" that mimics feelings of connection and love. This is why, regardless of their logical thoughts about a person, love is often confused with sex. It is hard to return to friendship after a romantic or sexual relationship. Adding sex back into the mix, however, will always resurface feelings of love and attraction. One of the things that separate friends from couples is a lack of sexual connection.
Rekindling your sex life together will rekindle the feelings involved as well, whether you want them or not. This includes sleeping with close friends, as your existing connection, when mixed with sex, leaves very little separating you from becoming a couple. Why do you want to have sex with someone? Are you trying to have a little fun, experiment with new people, or feel lonely?
You need to know your goals going in, because they will profoundly affect how attached you get to someone. Be honest with yourself to prevent confusion in the aftermath of the hook-up. If you tend to fall for every person you sleep with or are looking for a partner, then you should think twice about having casual sex.
If you just want to have fun, have no interest or desire for a relationship, and feel like experimenting a bit, you should feel free to proceed. Hooking-up because you are lonely, recently heartbroken, or hurting is often a recipe for unwanted attraction, as you try and compensate for your feelings with your new sexual partner. Are there things that automatically signal intimacy? Some people refrain from kissing their hook-up partner, as it feels too close to a real relationship.
Other people prefer not to cuddle after the fact, or won't hook up with strangers. Have your boundaries set before you head out for the night and stick to them, as this will protect you and your heart from getting too invested. Spend time apart to protect your feelings from turning into something more serious. If you've established with your partner that you are seeing other people casually as well, mix things up so that you don't fall too far for one person.
Don't stay over and cuddle, go on dates, or spend time talking late into the night. If you want to maintain a no-strings-attached, purely physical relationship, you need to stay purely physical.
Focus on enjoying your time together, making sure both of you are satisfied when you leave but little else. A direct line on pleasure, instead of intimacy, is crucial to keep the relationship from developing into broader feelings.
Gifts, dates, and sleepovers all lead to more intimate feelings. Focus on what feels good and, once you are happy, leave. Do you feel yourself developing feelings for someone? More importantly -- are you enjoying the "No Strings Attached" lifestyle? Some people find hooking up with random sexual partners hollow, unfulfilling, and awkward despite the immediate pleasure.
You are constantly evolving, growing, and changing, and your sexual preferences are no exception. Do you want to stay around but feel compelled to leave?
Do you feel like trying something more permanent? Are you leaving something special because you told yourself you didn't want a relationship, or because you actually don't love this person? If the type of sex your partner is giving you isn't what you want, leave.
Sex without love is for the physical benefit for both of you, and if one person is not interested or doesn't care for what the other party is giving then they are free to leave. Remember, this is not a romantic relationship.
There is no need to fear emotional baggage and how the other party might feel if you break things off casually.
You do not need to get deep with someone, talking about your life, work, and goals or dreams. Casual flirting is more about smiles, light teasing, and occasional touching. If they reciprocate, then you're likely developing a rapport that can lead to a casual fling. Some hints to drop while flirting include: You need to be clear and upfront with someone you are hooking up with from the beginning. If you are not you may lead someone to expect more than you are willing to give, ending in one-sided relationships that will end poorly for everyone.
While this conversation can be awkward, the best advice is to come right out and say what you want: There is no need to be gushy, overly-loving, or cuddly if you both want a quick hook-up. You wouldn't kiss your friend and send them flowers at work, so you shouldn't do it with a casual sexual relationship.
But there is also no need to act ashamed, awkward, or aloof when with someone. Have a sense of humor about everything, enjoy each other's company, and keep things light.
This will allow you to get everything out in the open, preventing bottled up emotions or stepping over the line. When you see someone again the next day, be kind and cordial -- a hug and hello is not the same as asking for a date. You need to be upfront if you are keeping multiple partners "on-retainer. Remember, however, that if they take offense or would rather be with someone exclusively then you can both easily go your separate ways. If they believe you are exclusive and you keep seeing them, they may get the idea the relationship is going to develop into something more serious.
Casually bring up funny, light, or interesting stories of other hook-ups to make it clear you are not exclusive. Apps like Tinder and Grindr were developed to help people interested in finding casual relationships in their area. You can download them for your phone, make a quick profile, and start talking with someone in your area almost immediately. Always meet in a public location first. Don't ever give personal or financial information -- your name is more than enough.
Drive yourself to and from your meet-up location. Tell a friend or family member your plans to meet someone, your location, and when you plan on returning. If you or your partner starts to fall in love, but the other person still wants to stay casual, you need to end the relationship. Trying to "work through" it, or convince someone to drop their feelings and go back to something less intense will never work, and the longer you stay together the stronger the feelings will get.
Remember that this began as something casual -- it can end casually too. Things to say include: