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How to introduce kinky sex to my wife

How to introduce kinky sex to my wife

Knowing how your partner will react - particularly if you've never tried anything like that before - can leave some people afraid to express their desires, and knowing the right time can be even trickier.

Hey, it's not like you can bring up the subject of spanking over dinner with the in-laws, is it? So, with this in mind, and in the spirit of, 'New year, new sex life', here are some expert tips for ways to bring up that tricky sell. And not one of them involves a Moonpig card. The first thing to remember is that nothing beats outright honesty, and being able to openly discuss what turns you on is a great sign that you and your partner trust each other implicitly.

However, if you're worried that your partner might think that, in some way, they're not satisfying you in your current sex life, or that they'll immediately reject what you're suggesting, there are ways that you can phrase a change of routine that might sounds a little less scary. One simple but ever so effective way is through the old, 'I had a dream' method. By describing your fantasy as a dream, which very few of us except Leonardo DiCaprio and the most skilled lucid dreamers can control, you're presenting it as a subconscious desire that you have no control over.

If they react in a negative way, then you know that this probably isn't something that they're into; but if their reaction is a lot more favourable, then you know you're probably onto a good thing, and can suggest taking it further.

Another is to make sure that you know a little bit more about what you want to try before bringing it up. Say, for example, you read an erotic book with a particularly hot bondage scene, and you want to give it a go. Before you head to your nearest sex toy shop and buy every roll of bondage tape that you can get your hands on, do a little reading around the subject.

Part of the reason people can be so quick to dismiss the idea of something new is that they don't fully understand it or realise what it involves, so being able to soothe any worries your partner may have will make it much more likely that they'll be up for giving it a go.

If the idea of having a sit-down conversation about what you want to try makes you break out in a cold sweat, then make it all a bit more light-hearted. During an intimate evening with just the two of you, why not play a little game of 'Would You Rather'? Take it in turns to ask each other questions about which of two sex-related activities you'd prefer to try, such as, 'Would you rather be tied up, or tie me up?

Not only is it a great way to find out more about what they like to try, but by posing the questions as hypothetical situations, it's much less scary, and easier to avoid a difficult conversation about why you want to dress up as a Care Bear if you're a little shy. Plus, there's no pressure on either of you at this point to actually do anything; you're essentially just testing the waters. Go tit for tat. Of course, there's never any guarantee that, just because you want to give something a go, your partner will as well.

So, by offering a quid pro quo kind of arrangement, whereby if they do this for you, you'll do something for them, you're both on a much more level playing field of venturing into the unknown, and no one person is holding all the power.

Unless that's exactly what you're trying to get them to agree to, of course. Sometimes, though, there will be times when you just have to accept that they really don't want to try it. There's a difference between gentle encouragement and pushing somebody, and while you may think that, actually, they'd enjoy it a lot more than they realise, it's up to them to decide that for themselves.

Now that they know that you're into it, they may come around to the idea in their own time. Don't Just do it. There are certain times, particularly when we're getting down and dirty after a few glasses of wine, when it can be tempting to just launch your newfound kink at your partner mid-session. However, this is generally a very, very bad idea. Just like you wouldn't necessarily want your partner to start trying to do something you haven't agreed to at an inopportune moment, you have to show them the same respect.

Sure, in your head, introducing them to your favourite ten-inch vibrator might seem like an incredibly hot idea at the time, but you might end up offending them, putting them off the idea for life, or, in some cases, hurting them. Wait until you're both sober, alone, and not already having sex to bring it up. So, what are you waiting for? Go forth, and kinkify your love life for Focus Features Powered by.

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How to introduce kinky sex to my wife

Knowing how your partner will react - particularly if you've never tried anything like that before - can leave some people afraid to express their desires, and knowing the right time can be even trickier.

Hey, it's not like you can bring up the subject of spanking over dinner with the in-laws, is it? So, with this in mind, and in the spirit of, 'New year, new sex life', here are some expert tips for ways to bring up that tricky sell. And not one of them involves a Moonpig card. The first thing to remember is that nothing beats outright honesty, and being able to openly discuss what turns you on is a great sign that you and your partner trust each other implicitly.

However, if you're worried that your partner might think that, in some way, they're not satisfying you in your current sex life, or that they'll immediately reject what you're suggesting, there are ways that you can phrase a change of routine that might sounds a little less scary.

One simple but ever so effective way is through the old, 'I had a dream' method. By describing your fantasy as a dream, which very few of us except Leonardo DiCaprio and the most skilled lucid dreamers can control, you're presenting it as a subconscious desire that you have no control over.

If they react in a negative way, then you know that this probably isn't something that they're into; but if their reaction is a lot more favourable, then you know you're probably onto a good thing, and can suggest taking it further.

Another is to make sure that you know a little bit more about what you want to try before bringing it up. Say, for example, you read an erotic book with a particularly hot bondage scene, and you want to give it a go.

Before you head to your nearest sex toy shop and buy every roll of bondage tape that you can get your hands on, do a little reading around the subject. Part of the reason people can be so quick to dismiss the idea of something new is that they don't fully understand it or realise what it involves, so being able to soothe any worries your partner may have will make it much more likely that they'll be up for giving it a go. If the idea of having a sit-down conversation about what you want to try makes you break out in a cold sweat, then make it all a bit more light-hearted.

During an intimate evening with just the two of you, why not play a little game of 'Would You Rather'? Take it in turns to ask each other questions about which of two sex-related activities you'd prefer to try, such as, 'Would you rather be tied up, or tie me up? Not only is it a great way to find out more about what they like to try, but by posing the questions as hypothetical situations, it's much less scary, and easier to avoid a difficult conversation about why you want to dress up as a Care Bear if you're a little shy.

Plus, there's no pressure on either of you at this point to actually do anything; you're essentially just testing the waters. Go tit for tat. Of course, there's never any guarantee that, just because you want to give something a go, your partner will as well. So, by offering a quid pro quo kind of arrangement, whereby if they do this for you, you'll do something for them, you're both on a much more level playing field of venturing into the unknown, and no one person is holding all the power.

Unless that's exactly what you're trying to get them to agree to, of course. Sometimes, though, there will be times when you just have to accept that they really don't want to try it. There's a difference between gentle encouragement and pushing somebody, and while you may think that, actually, they'd enjoy it a lot more than they realise, it's up to them to decide that for themselves. Now that they know that you're into it, they may come around to the idea in their own time.

Don't Just do it. There are certain times, particularly when we're getting down and dirty after a few glasses of wine, when it can be tempting to just launch your newfound kink at your partner mid-session.

However, this is generally a very, very bad idea. Just like you wouldn't necessarily want your partner to start trying to do something you haven't agreed to at an inopportune moment, you have to show them the same respect. Sure, in your head, introducing them to your favourite ten-inch vibrator might seem like an incredibly hot idea at the time, but you might end up offending them, putting them off the idea for life, or, in some cases, hurting them.

Wait until you're both sober, alone, and not already having sex to bring it up. So, what are you waiting for? Go forth, and kinkify your love life for Focus Features Powered by.

How to introduce kinky sex to my wife

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5 Comments

  1. You may do this in the form of a leading question e. Open up about your desires outside of the bedroom.

  2. After sharing with me that he was into feet and throwing in some compliments about how sexy mine were — flattery goes a long way , he began emailing me links to some foot fetish porn videos, which we watched together. The "self" that we have at work is different than the "self" we have with friends.

  3. Not only can porn be a wonderful way to discover what excites you, but it's also a safe way to introduce your kink to your partner.

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