Approaching the Topic Respectfully 1 Talk broadly about your sexual desires and fantasies together. This can be an awkward conversation to bring up, but it is also a light-hearted and fun conversation once you both agree not to judge each other.
What fantasies or styles do you like? What silly but sexy ideas rev your engines? Do you share any? Remember, this isn't a deep, serious conversation, but it brings up the sort of conversational intimacy that can lead to discussion of oral sex: Make lists of your top five dream places to have sex, even if some of them are unlikely or humorous. Browse through a sex book or website like Kama Sutra, noting fun or adventurous positions to try.
Share any fantasies or secret desires together, asking hers as well. If you can find ways to make both of you happy, this conversation will get much easier.
If you feel like oral sex is something you want, but it is maybe moving things too quickly, start with smaller adventures. Make a bigger deal of foreplay, which is a safe way to take small risks and learn more about each other. Try some dirty talk. Kiss all over each other's bodies, getting comfortable with every inch of each other.
As these thresholds are crossed, oral sex will become less of a big topic and more of a natural next step. If you're in a committed relationship you can't have one talk about sex and then never bring it up again. Whether the conversation is about oral sex or not, checking in with each other about your sex life is important to grow and build a relationship together.
Moreover, it makes it far easier to broach the topic of oral sex when you have a history of open and honest sexual discussions. Once you're comfortable together, are there new things you want to try oral sex or otherwise?
Ask her the same question. When sex comes up, don't shy away from it. Once you're talking about sex, don't try to beat around the bush or subtly get her to bring up oral sex. You need to be upfront if you expect her to be the same. Remember that your sex life is shared, not yours alone, and to make this about both of you, not just her.
Listen, even if it's not what you want to hear. Genuinely listen to you partner expressing her thoughts and concerns. She may or may not have much to say, and what she says might not be to your liking. You have addressed your desires, and even if she says no, she's aware of what you'd like.
It will stay in her head, and if you're nothing but supportive, respectful, and understanding then she may feel more confident and trusting once she's had a chance to think about it on her own terms.
Remember, all you can do is say your desires -- be honest about your own desires and she will be about hers. Comments or ideas like "I'll do the dishes for a week if you go down on me" aren't going to build the trust and love needed for a happy sex life. The things that go on in the bedroom are communal, not services that she gives you for a job well done, no matter what that job is.
If you want her to feel valued and comfortable and thus more likely to find common ground , don't treat this like a transaction -- treat it like a conversation. Oral sex can be scary for some woman. Some women can easily feel as if their air supply is compromised and like they may gag and choke. She's putting herself in a vulnerable position and it's important that you understand this. Some women fear hurting their partner or just getting it wrong.
Without complete sexual trust, these activities could result in her feeling a great deal of anxiety, helplessness, and discomfort. If you dismiss her concerns and only focus on your desires, you're not putting her at ease. Ask her why she dislikes of feels uncomfortable about oral sex and be ready for the answer. Remember that there are likely sexual acts that you, too, are uncomfortable with. There are a lot of ways you can make things better for both of you. Maybe she'd like a little more grooming or manscaping or would prefer if you both showered together beforehand to clean up.
Maybe she's wanted to talk about oral sex as well, and would like you to also consider going down on her. Whatever her reasons or ideas, you don't know until you ask. Oral sex is an intimate act, and is more likely if you value and set aside time for your sex life. Guys can go down on girls as well, and if you want to bring oral sex into your relationship, you need to be comfortable performing oral sex as well.
This is a great way to not only put her at ease, but slowly incorporate new things into your shared sex life without making her initiate everything. Never use oral sex as a passive aggressive bargaining chip -- "I did it, now you should too.
Method Moving Forward Together 1 Try to keep sex fun and light instead of serious and strict. Ignore the movies, which portray sex as a deeply serious act of soul-wrenching power. More often than not, especially in committed relationships, sex is a fluid, often-awkward, and always fun activity that only you two share.
Having a light-hearted attitude may seem like useless advice, but people are way more willing to try something new when they can laugh off any initial issues or awkwardness If you like something in the moment, let her know!
This is the best way to build comfort, trust, and a great shared sex life. If something goes "wrong," simply smile! If something goofy happens, like your fall off the bed somehow, don't be afraid to laugh -- it won't kill the mood. Successful sex lives are about feeling calm and comfortable, and no one is more at ease than smiling and laughing with significant other.
You've said your piece, and she's said hers, and there is no need to start pushing it now. When she's ready, she'll initiate things herself. If you've discussed ways to bring oral sex into your relationship, and several weeks or months pass without any change, you should bring the conversation back up during a quiet, respectful moment.
Not all oral sex has to be to completion. A good way to make her more comfortable is to bring oral sex into foreplay, then moving on to positions you're both more naturally comfortable with. This can help her start to find her comfort level and keep the conversation alive and find a level of compromise.
She needs to feel completely safe. Make sure she knows, if you hold her head or her hair while engaging in such intimate relations, you'll always maintain enough control of yourself to be able to avoid restraining her head in the heat of passion.
It's fine, and can even be desirable, to hold her hair out of the way, or place your hand on her head or shoulder, but it should be in a way that's very gentle and comforting to her. If she becomes uncomfortable and wants to stop early, that's okay. Remember that, for a woman who may not enjoy oral sex, these first steps will help her become more comfortable over time.
This isn't a debriefing, and you don't have to do it every single time you sleep together it will get old, fast , but you should feel free to talk about your sex life together. After the act, as you're hanging out and cuddling, ask what she enjoyed.
Figure out if there were some things she can do without, and be sure to keep it light and laugh-filled. You're a couple, and you likely discuss every meal you cook after eating it -- there is no reason you can't share this same openness after sex. If she's just exploring oral sex, let her know how much you enjoyed it! Staying silent may make her feel like it was unappreciated or, worse, that she is no good at it and shouldn't keep exploring.
If approached with love, trust, openness, and understanding, this can be a mutually shared, and mutually satisfying experience for both partners. You sex life is an ongoing, living part of your relationship, and will grow and evolve if you give it attention. Keep talking, keep being honest, and keep loving each other and you'll both be happy. Know that, if you've talked honestly, you cannot take this personally. Her refusal or desire not to go down is not necessarily a sign she "doesn't love you.
Disliking oral sex isn't a great reason to break up with someone, but a lack of sexual compatibility may be. Make sure both parties are willing to listen, compromise, and work together. Different people are aroused by different sexual acts. Just because you talk to her and listen to her and do all of the above, does not entitle you after any amount of time to expect her to "come around" on the subject. The same is true for yourself. If she suggested an act that you simply don't enjoy, you would not want to engage in it, regardless of how nicely she asked you about it.
She does not owe you oral sex or have to take it because you want to give. Method Working on Her Pleasure 1 Make the same effort to discuss oral sex for her as for yourself. Talking about oral sex isn't just about your needs.
As a couple, you've both got a responsibility to help each other enjoy your sex life, meaning you should bring up your own questions about what to do and what she likes when talking about oral sex? This isn't the time to push your wants and desires, this is about her.
Oral sex is frequently something one partner does for the other, letting them relax while you pleasure them exclusively. This doesn't mean that you shouldn't enjoy it and feel comfortable as well you absolutely should! If she is uncomfortable about oral sex, ask her why. Commonly, women are incorrectly led to believe their vaginas are "dirty" or "shameful," and that no guy wants to be there.
Assure her, for you, that this isn't the case. Things she knows she loves? If you want her to be honest about her feelings, you've got to do the same. Not all guys feel equally comfortable with oral sex, and that's okay -- this is why you're talking about it. In order to best help her oral sex, you'll need to be comfortable too.