Even if your sex life is more like a wet blanket, don't give up hope! Read on to discover my appetite -whetting recipe for romance. And fasten your seatbelts and unfasten your chastity belts because my ten tips are guaranteed to resurrect the sexual dead!
Before I show you how to rouse the sleeping giant, I want to take a moment to talk about what may be getting your sex life down. And if your flag is flying at half-mast because of physical, emotional or relational problems, not even the best sex techniques will enable you to raise that flag! Consider the following analogy.
For one thing, if you have a toxic bowel, or a clogged up liver or kidneys, then you are throwing nutrients into a garbage heap.
The same is true for your sex life. Illnesses such as chronic infections, heavy metal poisoning, diabetes, hormone imbalances, including low testosterone , estrogen dominance, prostate enlargement, low thyroid, clogged arteries atherosclerosis and medications such as antidepressants, statins, and blood pressure drugs all zap your sex drive. Beyond actual medical conditions, simple stress and spreading yourself too thin is a major passion deflator.
This is because the stress chemicals produced by the adrenal glands are incompatible with sexual arousal. The more tired and overstressed the adrenals get, the less able they are to handle stress, which creates a major vicious cycle.
Also deep breathe, in through the nose to the count of four, rest for two, and out the mouth for counts. Make sure to also watch your thoughts.
Stressful thoughts lead to intense emotions, which also beat up the adrenals. As you watch your thoughts, you may be surprised to discover that you are your very own boogieman, scripting scary movies in your own head and plotlines filled with all the dreadful things that are coming down the pike.
I call this futurizing, which refers to the common habit of leaving the now and projecting oneself into the future. When you catch yourself leaving present, gently bring yourself back, which will help take stress off your adrenals. Your diet can also fatigue your adrenals and make you even less able to handle stress.
White sugar, white flour, white rice and potatoes are all hard on the adrenals, as is caffeine. A mg dose of liposomalized oral vitamin C can therefore be many times more effective than when the vitamin is taken in capsule or tablet form, even though both are taken orally. You might also try adapatagenic herbs, such as licorice only use deglycyrrhizinated, or DGL, licorice if you have high blood pressure , ashawanda, ginseng, maca and pro- hormones such as DHEA and pregnenolone. A company called Integrative Therapeutics makes a product called Cortisol Manager, which has been proven in clinical trials to normalize the production of cortisol, which is the main stress hormone produced by the adrenals.
What else may be getting your sex life down? Last, but not least, we must consider the link between relationship status and a slumping sex life. The simple truth is this: Men are raised to make things happen, to act and produce. When a man loves a woman, he is wired to move heaven and earth to make her happy.
In turn, a man needs to feel that his woman values what he DOES for her. In short, men need to be "A"dmired and "A"ppreciated for their strength, power, achievements, as well as their efforts to protect and provide for their women and their offspring.
These are the two "A"s. Most relationships go sour for men because women nag and complain about what their man is NOT doing right. To have a happy relationship or marriage , the savvy woman knows that she must directly state what she wants and what pleases her rather than complain after the fact over what she didn't get. Just so you know, since couples tend to shower each other with praise during the honeymoon phase, it is easy for a man to get seduced by the rewards of another woman who makes him feel unconditionally admired and appreciated.
And, when a man gets adequate admiration and appreciation from his partner, he doesn't need to go looking elsewhere for it. What exactly do women need to be happy in relationships? While men are wired to be protectors and providers, a woman is biologically programmed to find a mate who will provide and protect her and her offspring.
Yes, it's that simple for a woman. Don't be fooled; even if a woman earns a good living and doesn't need a man to take care of her financially, her biological programming doesn't know this. In fact, according to research, even wealthy women choose life partners who are even more financially successful than they are. Women have a biologically programmed need to feel safe, protected and secure. This need is fueled by a primitive, biologically based, survival of the species imperative to choose men who will never abandon them and their offspring.
The need to be sure that a man will never abandon her and her offspring explains why a woman requires frequent reassurances in words and actions of her man's devotion.
I call this Emotional Providing. A woman needs to feel that she is first in her man's world, that he listens to her, takes her feelings to heart and shows her in words and deeds that he values her above all others, all of which provide a deep feeling of security that he'll never leave.
I encourage you to read this book if you want to fertilize your relationship and create the proper sexual soil. The bottom line is this: And, last but not least, if you want your sex life to sizzle, you need to handle your anger properly. There are 10 ingredients in this mix. Love is Blind When it comes to sex, here is the one case in which you may want to put on those blinders!
Sexual pleasure has many dimensions, but the most important sexual organ we have is between our ears—meaning our brain. When one sense is hindered, our other senses -- via the brain -- clamor to compensate. For example, a deaf person has increased sensory awareness -- sight, smell , touch, and vibrations. This creates anticipation for better sex -- the tease. Tease your partner mercilessly with sensory objects, such as a feather or your tongue. Start off softly, as this excites nerve endings and makes them far more sensitive.
Be careful not to over-stimulate the nerve endings, however, because after a while the neurons stop firing with such intensity and the sensation becomes null and void. Give Your Partner a Sex Ed Class After a while you may think you know how to please your partner in every way, but this is very rarely true.
If you want to be turned on, leave no sexual stone unturned! Instead, allow yourselves to be at each other's mercy as teacher. Get Touchy Sensual touch and massage is one of the most highly relaxing and sexy things you can do for your partner, which is why I include this in my 10 tips for better sex list. Our bodies are almost without exception tense in some area, if not many areas. This hinders our energy flow -- including sexual energy flow. Imagine a car that has a clogged fuel filter: A relaxing sensual massage can unlock the body, creating some very intense orgasms and much better sex.
The ability to relax your partner in this way should be high on your list of skills to master. The key to better sex in this case is to keep the senses alert, but the body relaxed.
This means a firm touch, coupled with some sensory feather-light caresses. Once you've relaxed the major muscles -- shoulders and back -- work your way down to the buttocks. Strokes can then start to wander near but not on the genitals. Focus on the inner arms, armpits, inside of the legs and thighs and ear lobes.
Dress for Success Pretending to be something you're not comes easily to some people, and it can have benefits when done for fun. Stepping out of the role of being "yourself" can be a fun way to give each other permission to behave differently for better sex.
It is often the woman who does the dressing up simply because A They enjoy it; and B They have the resources of clothes, underwear and makeup — but, guys, don't forget that you can play too. Take a Trip to Fantasy Island Talking about your fantasies with your partner is a very conducive form of sex play.
The more you know each other, the better the sex. Yes, you may be surprised by what comes out of your mouths. Sit back with a glass of wine and keep your clothes on -- for now. Fantasy play can also be incorporated into a game for better sex. Use your imagination, and keep it sexy.
Take it in turns and see where it leads you. Lay Your Cards on the Table Get a pack of cards and play strip poker for better sex. It may seem like something you would have done when you were in high school given the opportunity , but adult strip poker is a good way to get naked. Time limits like one minute on said action means that it is a prolonged game of seduction, which by the end will have you both clamoring to be both the winner and the loser.
There are many other games you can play "strip" to, as long as there is a regular winner and loser to reward and punish respectively. The great part about these games is that you can both ask the other person to do something in a certain way that you may not necessarily have ever done before.
It can get rather racy, and definitely lead to better sex in the end. But, since everyone knows what this means, I have to bow to the convention. Because our brains are our largest sexual apparatus, we respond to the spoken word automatically -- especially when someone says our name. The spoken word evokes emotions and sensations, as well as blood flow to various regions, depending on the topic. Talking dirty is truly an art form.
But brush up on your skills because bad technique will make you giggle rather than moan! For better sex, start off easy with neutral topics such as how it feels to be inside her or have him inside you, how much you are enjoying the act and what you would like to do to each other next.
Dirty talk can be a bit daunting at first, if you are not used to verbalizing these things, so practice. You will see how your partner responds to you. The rawness of the sexual passion aroused with dirty talk is why it is so effective. Try to stick to positive words, and leave the commonly used insult words out. Chances are, the passion from you will ignite hers two-fold. You repeat these regularly because they work -- there's no harm in that.