But from a relationship happiness perspective, how important is sex, really? How critical is sex to long-term relationships or marriage? I will attempt to interpret the results and provide some tips for whatever percentile you find yourself in.
Seventy-five percent of women think that a good sex life is very important. This is obviously nice news for our gender.
My friend Janet Smith used to say that our largest sexual organ was between our ears. Ask these questions of your partner when the lights are low and the mood is set or if that bothers you, then over a cup of coffee is fine too: What turns you on?
How do you like to be touched and where? What is your favorite day or time of day for sex? What are your favorite fantasies? Would you like to include talking about them while you are making love? Fifty percent say that stress and exhaustion reduces their desire for sex. Being too tired for sex can also equate to being too depressed for sex.
Survival will, of course, always trump sex. Here are some tips to get you in the mood for sex after a long day at work when it just seems like, well, more work: If you can afford it, order takeout or delivery. With no dishes, you can get to the bedroom a little quicker.
Talk about what bothered you at work over dinner…get the stress out and share your troubles of the day with your partner. Have a time limit of 15 minutes each for stress about work and then leave work at the office. Give each other a massage as an alternative to sex. Take turns with this so one person can just relax on a given night and receive, not being expected to return the favor that very night. It can be their turn to give next time.
If massage is not your thing then playing a game, relaxing together, or taking a short walk can get you in the mood. Hold hands, a goodnight kiss or a cuddle are ways to keep the door open and warm for a future sexual encounter.
Hello and goodbye hugs or kisses, a phone call or text during the day just to say hello work well in the keeping-the-fire-burning department. Forty-nine percent of women surveyed said they had better sex before they had children.
For the record, a family is defined as the couple, and children are considered to be additional members of the family and this also includes other family members. This concept stresses the value of the couple and the importance of making time to renew your family connection.
The analogy of a garden that needs tending to make it flourish is a good one to keep in mind. Sex is what distinguishes a marriage from being roommates. Being married is one thing, making a marriage work is another. This requires focus and thought. Women often feel very overwhelmed by being mothers. Showing appreciation like surprising your wife with bringing takeout from her favorite restaurant is a powerful force for positive feelings.
Going out is even better because you have a reason to put something special to wear—and it reminds you of what it was it was like in the beginning when you made an effort to do this and why you did it in the beginning of your relationship.