This is repeated severally throughout the recording, and the woman sounds genuinely pained. Imagine my surprise when I came online to find Mollis being touted as a don for what was most definitely rape. The backlash was unbelievable. They forget that a woman has the right to withdraw consent midway into sex, the same way any human being has the right to change their mind and this has to be respected.
To fail to recognize this is to dehumanize women. I was astonished at the number of men who may have done these things and not recognized that they were rapists, and the number of women who may have had this happen to them and failed to recognize that they had been raped. Rape is sex without consent, plain and simple. When one of the parties involved in sex is unwilling or unable to consent, then no matter the circumstances, that is rape.
We imagine rape to be something that happens along a dark path when a woman or man is waylaid by a group of strange men, or a single one, and amidst tears and fighting, is pinned down and violently penetrated. What about the woman who is taken out for drinks by a man, and then after she has one too many and is unable to exercise her right to consent, he forces himself on her?
What about that ten-year old boy whose first sexual encounter is with the house help? To limit our definition of rape to the stereotypical image earlier mentioned does a great disservice to many, and causes them great pain. To avoid the perpetuation of this cycle of pain, we should not just seek consent that is, an affirmation that the person you want to have sexual relations with also wants to have sexual relations with you.
They should not be impaired or unconscious. What if someone does not give a definitive no? Anything other than an enthusiastic yes is NOT consent. Why is this so important? Because women have been taught by society not to be direct for fear of being offensive or being attacked, so several times, a woman may not directly say no when she does not want to have sex.
On the other hand, men have been taught that they have to work hard for sex — pursue, coax, plead — until they get it. I want to believe that most people do not want to be rapists, but we must remember that we are surrounded by a culture that supports, and sometimes even encourages rape. Rape culture is a culture in which sexual violence, including rape, is trivialized and normalized. It is a society where violence is seen as sexy and sexuality as violent. In a rape culture, women perceive a continuum of threatened violence that ranges from sexual remarks to sexual touching to rape itself…In a rape culture both men and women assume that sexual violence is a fact of life, inevitable…However…much of what we accept as inevitable is in fact the expression of values and attitudes that can change.
Perhaps accepting this is too painful for most of us, because it would mean that we are somehow complicit. Rape culture is what allowed a police officer to strip search a high school girl two weeks ago, and when she found her with contraband in her underwear, allow pictures of her breasts and private parts to be photographed. These photographs then spread on WhatsApp yet again before going viral on social media.
It is what leads people to share nude images of a minor, with such glee, without her consent please remember that minors according to the law cannot consent. These incidents show how Kenyan women, regardless of age, continue to be abused sexually and denigrated in the public eye with no reprieve.
After she started gasping and becoming weak, begging him to stop, he just rolled over and slept. He did not rush her to hospital.
When he reported the matter to the police, they dismissed him, telling him they were in no mood for his jokes, and that he should solve his bedroom problems without involving them. This is all after a woman died due to sex. Something has got to give. We can, and must, change our attitude towards sex and sexuality as a society, or else more people will continue to be victims of sexual violence.
We must begin to educate ourselves on how to have safe, pleasurable sex that does not create any victims. We must stop looking at sex as something a woman owes a man, and that he must take at all costs, such as rape or death.
Instead, sex should be viewed as something two consenting adults agree to participate in for their mutual pleasure. This way, sex is not something men take from women, but something they share. How hot would that be? We should create and encourage a sex positive culture, where sex is not a dirty thing.
One in which both having sex and not having sex are considered okay. One in which we teach members of the society about their reproductive health and encourage them to take it just as seriously as the health of the rest of their bodies. We should focus on ensuring that all sexual activities are consensual; enthusiastically so.