It gives me the absolute wiggins to get to do an OC post for Snark Squad because I love both so much. And someday, at a Snark Squad convention with plenty of wine, I will share my embarrassing 13 year old fangirl stories with you all.
Um, I cannot wait. But for now, lets start the episode! This drops us off at the best part of any episode, the morning breakfast scene! Ryan walks into the house to find Seth on the couch in a Robe Cocoon of Sadness.
Seth admits that he has been up all night watching movies. Google tells me that matrices and matrixes are both acceptable. Ryan then cutely brings Seth coffee and they banter a bit about how badly Seth needs a shower. The creepy obsessing has made him unable to eat, sleep, or shower. Those are three of my very favorite things to do.
All very popular here in Snark HQ. There will be a lot of these spoiler. It all comes back to the eyebrows. We hold him to such a high standard, so when he lets you down, it hurts more. Those eyebrows bring some brilliant parenting game, but the horrible Rebecca plot brings some questionable husbanding. Rebeccas are bad news for Traumaland.
Sandy asks Kirsten to hang on a little longer. From one type of marriage to the other, we find Cal and Julie fighting in his office. Kirsten and Lindsay arrive and Cal drops the bomb that he wants to adopt Lindsey. Kirsten is speechless, Lindsey is thrilled, and Julie is fuming. Kirsten gets a great eye roll in that made me laugh.
Any time this show lets Kirsten get her snark on is a win. I did not appreciate Kirsten snark enough until now. Kirsten may be my favorite this rewatch. Cal is going throw a party to make the announcement to the Newpsies. He casually not really tries to get Zach to confirm or deny that him and Summer slept together. I feel like this deserved. Zach has the patience of a saint. Zach tells him to go home and get some sleep and to put the coma makeup back where he found it.
Then, some random kid sits down on the couch and Seth gives him major crazy eyes. Hilariously, the kid takes off. I feel you, random student. Lindsay finds Ryan at his locker and tells him about the Big Adoption Plans.
I do not like Lindsey. Her and Ryan always felt forced. I just wanted to get that out of the way in case it clouds the way I recap her. Alright, yes, Ryan Atwood was my first tv boyfriend. I love this project. Kirsten gets a visit from the FBI. The show has actually told us that Olivia Wild is like 17 and yet magically running a bar because it makes a good away-from-school setting of reasons. Just run with it. Kirsten is sitting at the counter with a glass of wine when Sandy comes home.
He sees the business card for one of the agents and immediately asks what Kristen told them. She tells him that she did not rat out his ex girlfriend and Sandy says that lying to the Feds could get her in big trouble.
JuJu storms up to Cal and demands that he at least redo the paternity test. Cal tells her that there was no need to do a paternity test because they pinky promised or something. You know, before there was a teenage girl with emotional stability on the line.
I watched it three times and this little exchange is lost on me. Summer gets a call from Zach and she says the following: Sandy meets up with FBI Contact who tells him that no matter what, Rebecca is going to do time because a man died and at the very least, her key was involved to get into the building.
Julie pays a visit to Renee who is also Andie from the West Wing!!! Anyway, Julie lets Renee know, out of the goodness of her heart, that Caleb is going to ask for a paternity test. Cue Seth, melodramatically laying in bed tearing up his drawings of Summer.
I do like Seth a lot you guys, and I very Team Sethummer? Ew, what is wrong with you???? Seth outlines his misery: That part of my life does not belong to you. The computer screen does not high five back. It seriously looks more like an apartment. Who is paying for this? Maybe her money is paying for… Doorbell. Ryan finds Renee outside, wanting to talk to him. But it makes much more sense if Ryan is the Unofficial Guidance Counselor.
It really sucks for Ryan because everyone tells him secrets that just end up getting him in trouble with all the important people in his life. Something about the blankness of his stares and the fact that he never really says much.
I have that face too! Life stories in All! Zero eyebrows for you, Renee. Sandy, in his infinite parenting wisdom, points out how fucked up it is for them to do this to Lindsay on the day of the adoption party.
Olivia Wilde also notices and gets hurt that Marissa is is ditching her for Caleb. This is what happens when you date high schoolers who have very little emotional maturity.
Also, what happens when you date Marissa Cooper. Seth is sitting at the Crab Shack eating some delicious looking food and sans coma makeup. And that moment is Italy with Summer. Zach offers to let Seth punch him in the face and I get annoyed a little. Seth gets up to go back to not showering. Maybe roll around in the dumpster a little, jump start the process.
Pier of Brooding Feels. Ryan tries to talk Lindsay out of the adoption with some lame arguments and she throws a little bit of a hissy fit. Then the camera pulls back and we watch Ryan brood out over the water while this weirdly chosen music plays. His brood game really goes above the call of duty. So it may be wishful thinking but I think the writers give a self aware nod to this. Why are we all gathered here?
Parties are such a default action for Newpsies that they attend parties without even knowing why they are attending all these parties. Seth is playing video games while Ryan gets dreamily fancied up for the party. Ryan suggests venting it to Summer. Adam Brody is delightful when he tells Ryan that his blood will be on his hands if Summer kills him. Marissa is reading Please Kill Me: But now he does and wants to do it in Tuscany.
The girls have a Good Friend moment that leads Marissa to confess about her relationship with Olivia Wilde. I teared up a little. Ryan is outside the party house when Renee frantically walks up claiming that now, NOW is the moment to tell Lindsay.
Instead of all the other days and times leading up to now. Cut to Caleb, with the Scotch, in the Billiards Room. Lindsay anxiously asks him if they can make the announcement now. What did I do? Then she, to the surprise of everyone, dramatically exits. She also cries some very beautiful tears.