Sophie Saint Thomas Have you done your homework and decided that you and your partner are ready to try a threesome? Congrats, the hard part is over. Now comes the threesome with the magical unicorn where everyone comes, laughs, and has the best night of their lives. As one woman recently told us about her threesome experience, "[Threesomes can be] rife with imbalance, preference, and asymmetrical chemistry and power. Getting on the same page sexually with one person, let alone two, is tough — but it's not impossible.
Advertisement To help first-timers and beginners navigate this tricky territory, we spoke to people who've had a ton of mind-blowing threesomes. Ahead, nine tips that will help you have the threesome of your wet dreams. While we're arguably more in control of and confident about our sexuality than ever, there's still so much we don't know about female arousal.
So this month, we're exploring everything you want and need to know about how women get turned on now. Check out more here. Remember being the last kid picked for dodge ball in grade school? Being the odd man out during a threesome is the grown-up equivalent of that rejection — and joining a team you don't want to be a part of in the first place can be even worse. To avoid this, it's a good idea for the threesome participants to go on a date and hang out with each other prior to sleeping together.
That way, you can get a feel of the chemistry between the three of you, both sexually and emotionally. And never have a threesome simply because your partner is really into this person but you're not. As with sex parties , it's important that you discuss and create boundaries between you, your partner, and the third before the actual sex.
Once the sex starts, you might be so turned on that you'll want to toss those rules out the window, but creating boundaries and sticking to them will prevent post-threesome regret. Express it to the gang prior to cranking the Andrew WK and partyinghard," says Small Hands , an AVN award-winning porn performer and husband to fellow performer Joanna Angel both of whom have "had too many threesomes for me to count".
Maybe crack a joke about it just in case there's any toe suckers in the room! Advertisement 3 of 10 Make sure all three of you are communicating before and during the sex.
Communication, including the right to retract consent, does not stop once sex begins. Before and during sex, if anyone feels uncomfortable, it's important to speak up. Perhaps, prior to the threesome, you agreed your partner could penetrate the third with their penis or strap-on, and now you're realizing that's just too uncomfortable to watch. Speak up with a simple, "Hey, can we slow this down for a minute? An important reminder for the couple: Check in with your third periodically.
They aren't your sex toy; they're a person who is also present for a pleasurable experience. Having your first threesome is daunting. The temptation to overindulge at the bar prior to jumping into the situation is understandable.
Not only can being too drunk make it more difficult for penises to get hard and cause vaginal dryness , but booze lowers inhibitions, which can mean breaking your pre-set boundaries. Small Hands says a few hits of weed or a drink or two to take the edge off is fine, but no more, and absolutely no hard drugs. According to him, certain psychedelics can make a threesome truly odd: For better or worse, having a threesome with your partner is going to teach you a lot about how you experience sexual jealousy.
Maybe you'll be fine with it, but if the jealousy becomes too much, use your right to politely tell the others involved that you're not feeling it. One of the best ways to control jealousy is to remember that this is a group experience to enhance your sex life, and focus on your partner's pleasure as well as your own more on that to come. Another important tactic in preventing jealousy is entering into a threesome only if you're in a solid relationship. This is why taking steps to make sure your relationship can handle one before diving in is crucial.
And again, communication is your best tool before and during the act. Unfortunately, as most jaded adults know, things don't always go as planned. Communication prior can help prevent this, but it's also important to understand that, no matter what you do or how prepared you think you are, it may not go as planned. That's just a risk you're agreeing to take when deciding to go for the desired reward. If you don't enjoy the threesome, either don't do it again or learn from your mistakes and jump back in the three-person saddle better equipped the next time.
It may sound counterintuitive, but watching your partner with another person sexually can be hot AF. For men, the fetish is known as "cuckolding," and it refers to watching a female partner have sex with another male you might be familiar with " cuck ," a term the so-called "alt-right" co-opted and ruined. According to some who enjoy this kink, it's for the highly intellectual.
While the term refers specifically to men, women can also enjoy watching their partner have sex with another person. And even though threesomes inherently mean that all parties are actively having sex, you can still tap into the odd primal pleasure of watching your partner with someone else.
A good way to think about it? Making that girl come while she goes down on me? Yeah, he's with me" sub out the particulars of your situation, of course. Watching your partner get someone else off, and get off on getting someone else off, can be mega-sexy in a very animalistic way. Advertisement 8 of 10 Focus on pleasing everyone. Three Musketeers-level threesomes do happen, but they require concentration. If you don't make a conscious effort to attend to all three parties, resentments can form.
How to avoid this? Along with choosing the proper third and keeping up the communication, the answer is Sex Advice Don't be a selfish prick in bed. Now for the truly awkward part: What do you do after the sex has ended and hopefully everyone has gotten off?
Whether the third spends the night is up to you all, but just like you'd take someone out to brunch after the first time you have sex, it's a good idea to get out of the house to balance the mood and let your third know they're not just your play thing. Threesomes can cause new emotions to bubble up after they're over.
Even if you discuss the risk of jealousy beforehand, things might change once you're actually in the act of a threesome. Talk with your partner afterwards to discuss how you both felt, and whether it was a total bust or something you'd want to do again.
Swapping highlights is a great way to find new ways you can please each other, too. Also, don't limit the conversation to just your partner; check in with your third too, especially if they're a friend. Make sure they're still comfortable and there's not any awkwardness or hurt feelings between the three of you.