Shutterstock It's —and even though views on sexuality are ever-changing, we're still programmed to some extent to believe that men want sex So it's hard not to take it personally when you're ready to go and your guy just isn't in the mood! You're probably not the reason he'd rather watch Netflix and take a nap, says psychologist Tracy Thomas , Ph. According to Thomas, libido can be negatively affected by a myriad of things, including dehydration, sleep deprivation, an imbalance of hormones, stress at work, and performance anxiety.
So they're more likely to opt out of something like sex, rather than risk not being able to bring their A-game. Here, how to assist and support your guy when he's feeling less than frisky.
It's important to not catastrophize the situation. Before you jump to conclusions about libido, Van Kirk suggests taking seemingly unrelated factors—if he's stressing about a possible promotion at work, or even if his favorite sports team is taking a beating—into account. These things can affect his mood, but the effect is probably only temporary. Give him a week or two before you start expressing concerns about your sex life. Be a Team Player Everybody has an ego and it's tied at least partly to your virility.
A conversation about his low sex drive is probably going to be difficult. But that doesn't mean you should avoid talking about it, Van Kirk says. Just make sure you come at it from the right place. After all, in a monogamous relationship, his sex drive is as much your problem as it is his.
But if you're always waiting for him to make the first move, you may find yourself disappointed, Thomas says.
After all, men want to feel wanted too! According to Thomas, it's important that you don't just make the first move to get the ball rolling—you also need to be able to take the lead and express how much you want him without expecting anything in return. Consider an Internal Roadblock Even if your sex life is stellar, it's never a bad idea to get some bloodwork done.
There are plenty of physiological reasons your guy could be lacking libido, Thomas says, including easily-fixed issues like vitamin deficiencies—especially vitamins D, D3, and B12, which all help with energy levels.
Even dehydration can zap his energy—an in turn, his libido. Of course, another common sex-drive-sucking issue is low testosterone. If you're worried, hit up a doctor to get his testosterone levels checked, as well as cortisol stress , serotonin, and dopamine levels.