That's the postal equivalent of a drive-by shooting. Yeah, and I thought those fifty-seven menus I get every day from Hunan Munan were annoying. I'd like to think that people have more than one soulmate. And you know what, if you miss one, along comes another one. If two people only have one thought between them, something is very wrong. Oh, shut the fuck up, I'm a hundred and forty.
Smart, yes, sometimes cute, but never sexy. Sexy is the thing I try to get them to see me as after I win them over with my personality. You win men over with your personality? The mood elevator sort of corrects the imbalance. Wait a minute, how do you know your vagina's depressed? Like what, it can't meet its deadline?
It always wants to go to Krispy Kreme? Lynn Cameron fashion show producer , to Carrie: You're fucking doing my show if I have to hunt you down, skin you alive and have one of the other models wear you. Gucci and Dolce and Dior! Oh, who cares what you are! No, I need to know where we're going. We need to know where you're going as well, since evidently you'll be having sex there.
There isn't enough wall space in New York City to hang all of my exes. Let me tell you—a lot of them were hung. You just caught us a little off guard with the lesbian thing. That's just a label, like Gucci or Versace. Miranda, to Carrie's answering machine: Your good friend Miranda has just taken a piece of cake out of the garbage and eaten it.
You will probably need this information when you check me into the Betty Crocker Clinic. Your mother decorated this entire apartment, didn't she. Mother does all our houses. I should have known.
The plaid, and the mallards You don't like them? It's like we live in the Museum of Natural Ugliness! You call this a relationship? Well, it's tedious and the sex is dwindling, so from what I've heard, YES! I promise I won't become one of those mothers who can only talk about diaper genies. What the hell is a diaper genie? Do you mean the cheeks, or? It was more localized than that.
How did this happen? How did they get the message that the ass is now on the menu? I bet there's one loud-mouthed guy who found some woman who loved it and told everyone 'women LOVE this! Who is this guy? Who's the woman who loved it? Don't knock it 'till you've tried it! I don't believe in e-mail. I'm an old-fashioned girl. I prefer calling and hanging up. We have to run to Helga the Hot Waxer every other week, but them? How would they like it if we told them to shape their hedge, trim their trunk?
I'm sorry, we are talking about gardening, aren't we? I got to thinking about relationships and partial lobotomies: Whose legs bend back that far? This is like sex for the boneless! See, that's what I love about this guy, Nick, I'm seeing. No, that's the opposite of Big. I've lost my orgasm. What do you mean, 'lost'? I just spent the last two hours fucking with no finale. Sometimes you just can't get there. I can always get there. Every time you have sex?
Please say you're exaggerating. Well, I'll admit I have had to polish myself off once or twice, but yes! Now let's retrace your steps. Were you on top? How is that relevant? You mean you can have them on the bottom? Top, bottom, upside down All right, now you're just showing off. Just a hop, skip, a cab, a metroliner and another cab away.
Those flowers were supposed to say "We're so sorry, we love you," not "You're dead, let's disco"! If we miss the orchid show she'll be devastated. Then I guess we'll just have to have sex at your mother's. People having sex in Connecticut? There's a first time for everything. You can't be friends with a squirrel! A squirrel is just a rat in a cuter outfit.
Yes, I'd like a cheeseburger, please, large fries and a cosmopolitan. Who's the farmer with the dells? What's he doing out here? Pushups, by the look of it. The only thing that I have ever successfully made in the kitchen is a mess. And several little fires. These [fast food apple pies] are surprisingly delicious!
Why would anybody go to the trouble of making one when you can buy one that is so perfect and individually sized? There's nothing to be embarrassed about; he's still got one.
Miranda, they come in a set. I'm thinking balls are to men what purses are to women. It's just a little bag, but we feel naked in public without it. We're having Trey's sperm tested.
Is it not doing well in school? I have never once heard a woman say "he had such a big, full scrotum. Men—wait, let me rephrase that—some men That will look much better on the court transcripts of this dinner. I bought you this. I know how much you like them! He only has one ball and I have a lazy ovary. In what world does that create a baby? It's like the special olympics of conception!