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Sex as a relief from grief

Sex as a relief from grief

My schedule was upheaved, my body was exhausted, and my heart ached. Things are better now, thanks for asking. But I had a strange desire for sex with my husband. But the desire itself was a bit different from my usual motivations. I wanted to be comforted by sex — wrapped in his arms, folded into his heart, united with his flesh. I realized that engaging in sexual intimacy would ease my grief. But was the knowledge that she was pregnant the source of comfort? It seems that the sexual encounter itself played a role in comforting Bathsheba in her deep grief.

Like a balm on my wound, a Band-Aid on my heart. I have few ideas on why sex can be comforting in a crisis or grief. Sex releases physical tension.

Focusing on physical pleasure, and experiencing orgasm, releases that tension — even if it lasts only a brief time. We release certain brain chemicals during sex, including oxytocin and serotonin, that result in feelings of peace and well-being.

In the midst of an emotional tornado, sex can have a calming effect. In the story of David and Bathsheba, she was not his only wife, and following the death of their child, he could have discarded her, set her to the side, never had to gaze again on the mother of his lost son. But David reassured her of his love, by going into her and making love with her.

Likewise, being intimate with your spouse can reassure you of his presence and constancy in your life. I get a break from my fretfulness — a mini-vacation for my worried mind. Sex can transport you away from the concern and hurt stirred by the crisis or grief and to a place of pleasure and joy. And that reconnects me to my husband. It reminds us of our overall intimacy and desire to be with one another.

Sex can be comforting in times of crisis or grief. Of course, sex may not always be what you need. When one of my best friends died a few years back, I had several nights that I just wanted to be held while I bawled like a baby. But there are times when sex can comfort, heal, and reassure. Have you ever experienced the comfort of marital intimacy in difficult times? What are your reasons for desiring sex when you experience crisis or grief?

Also see Genesis

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Sex as a relief from grief

My schedule was upheaved, my body was exhausted, and my heart ached. Things are better now, thanks for asking. But I had a strange desire for sex with my husband. But the desire itself was a bit different from my usual motivations.

I wanted to be comforted by sex — wrapped in his arms, folded into his heart, united with his flesh. I realized that engaging in sexual intimacy would ease my grief. But was the knowledge that she was pregnant the source of comfort?

It seems that the sexual encounter itself played a role in comforting Bathsheba in her deep grief. Like a balm on my wound, a Band-Aid on my heart.

I have few ideas on why sex can be comforting in a crisis or grief. Sex releases physical tension. Focusing on physical pleasure, and experiencing orgasm, releases that tension — even if it lasts only a brief time.

We release certain brain chemicals during sex, including oxytocin and serotonin, that result in feelings of peace and well-being. In the midst of an emotional tornado, sex can have a calming effect. In the story of David and Bathsheba, she was not his only wife, and following the death of their child, he could have discarded her, set her to the side, never had to gaze again on the mother of his lost son. But David reassured her of his love, by going into her and making love with her.

Likewise, being intimate with your spouse can reassure you of his presence and constancy in your life. I get a break from my fretfulness — a mini-vacation for my worried mind.

Sex can transport you away from the concern and hurt stirred by the crisis or grief and to a place of pleasure and joy. And that reconnects me to my husband. It reminds us of our overall intimacy and desire to be with one another. Sex can be comforting in times of crisis or grief. Of course, sex may not always be what you need. When one of my best friends died a few years back, I had several nights that I just wanted to be held while I bawled like a baby.

But there are times when sex can comfort, heal, and reassure. Have you ever experienced the comfort of marital intimacy in difficult times? What are your reasons for desiring sex when you experience crisis or grief? Also see Genesis

Sex as a relief from grief

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3 Comments

  1. If someone finds a relationship with leads to sex, they may find themselves feeling very vulnerable because it is a very intimate act and it requires trust to let another see their true sexual self. I wonder, for instance, if there is an actual spike in fertility associated with grieving.

  2. Perhaps the thought of having fun, of experiencing pleasure when someone has recently died, is upsetting. This sort of judgement can impact the surviving partner badly, adding to their grief, distress and their own feelings about their predicament. In Judaism, for example, during the seven-day shiva period following a death in the family, sexual relations and other activities of daily living, such as shaving, bathing and the like are strictly forbidden.

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