Why would he buy the cow when he can get the milk for free? Do it if you want to. Will dudes really stop returning your texts if you — gasp — sleep with them right away? Or do they actually not care? This Ask Reddit thread gives us an unfiltered view of what they really think.
Here, 12 guys reveal what they really think about sex on the first date: To me, it just means we're really into each other. What makes them girlfriend material is what we do afterwards. I've never got the whole "losing respect" thing. Sex is fun and natural. Unless they're huge degenerates, I couldn't see it as a bad thing. This makes so much sense, and it's unfortunate that more people don't feel this way! It stinks to judge someone on being "girlfriend material" because she wanted to have sex.
I can't recommend it. It drastically changes the dynamic. I find that it's far more rewarding to wait a few dates. It allows for more mystery and more chase which is a bit more exciting. Every girl I have had sex with on the first date I always felt like something was missing or skipped.
Sure there was a lot of passion and chemistry that night, but that quickly fades. But then again I was also was in a great relationship for a few months with a girl where we were having sex within 20 minutes after meeting each other.
So really it can go either way, but I prefer to wait until after a first date. I like how this guy says it's a bad idea, then proceeds to say he's done it and it worked out great. All LOLs aside, I can see where he's coming from with this explanation.
In my experience, the idea that having sex too soon makes guys less interested is an excuse that women use to avoid facing the harsh reality that the guy just didn't like her that much. Lots of women really cant deal with rejection or accept that they need to improve themselves and step up their game, and they blame their failure to attain commitment from men on a bunch of irrelevant things like having sex on the first date or being so "strong, independent, badass, etc.
Quite the opposite, really. Sex is how you should show a man that you really want him for the long term. Seriously, do you honestly believe that intentionally withholding pleasure from a man will convince him to stay with you? That will make most men think "well, this girl acts like her pussy is made of gold and discharges rubies once a month. Its like shes got nothing else to offer, and shes holding tightly on to that card.
Dont cheat yourself by protecting the petty parts of your ego. I have problems with some of the things this dude is saying, but I'm sure some people do use that thought as an excuse to make themselves feel better.
But, let's get one thing straight: And also, not all dudes think this way. I wouldn't be looking for a relationship with someone unless we've had sex and spent a fair amount of time together. I really struggle with the concept of asking someone on a date with the intention of having a romantic relationship with them from the start.
How can you decide you might want a relationship if you haven't spent time together? So, having sex with someone on the first date won't in any way affect my desire to pursue a relationship or not.
The only thing it will affect is my desire to have sex with them again. I guess this person is saying that whether they had sex or not, the first date wouldn't be enough time to decide whether he's ready for a relationship or not. And you know what? That makes a lot of sense! For me sex on the first date relegates her to friends with benefits category. I know I'm not special, if she has sex with me that quickly she'll have sex with anyone else that quickly too.
This view IS out there! For me you could summarize it with "the sooner she is willing to have sex with someone she doesn't really 'get', the worse from a relationship standpoint". If we've jelled very well during that one date it's good. If we are a clear good fit, don't see any reason it would be good to limit our activities of affection. If we on the other hand did not come halfway to a Disney-style duet during our date, and she still wants to end it by having sex This kind of view on sex on the first date comes from having a more intimate view about sex.
If you see sex as something that should only happen between people who care about each other, I can see why you would believe this.
She knows what she wants. I wouldn't have gone on the date with her if I didn't think sex was a possibility in the short future. I like this one! I try to avoid it or pursuing it on the first date but if it happens naturally then I'm usually all for it. It never negatively affects if I want to have a relationship with them or not.
I will say though, that my standards for a random hookup are much lower than my standards for a long term relationship. So if we hook up date one and then it doesn't go anywhere, it's not because we hooked up- we likely wouldn't have been in a long term relationship regardless. This sounds like a douchey thing to say, but it's true for a lot of people.
You know there's someone out there you only want to hook up with. All of the yeses. All of the high fives. I want to say that generally it's best to take time to get to know each and be sure there's some real chemistry first if you're looking for a serious relationship, but I guess it really depends. I once had sex with a girl about three hours after meeting her and it turned into the longest, most serious relationship that I've ever had. Then I deliberately held off on sex with my last girlfriend even though she was offering and that was a pretty short, shitty relationship.
This definitely makes sense! It means that it doesn't matter if you do it or hold off. If the chemistry is there, it's there. Personally, I wouldn't have sex on the first date, so I'd expect the same thing from someone I'm interested in having a serious relationship with. It's not a double standard. It's just a standard. It's not that big of a deal to me.
Since I'm not planning on putting out, it's really a moot point, I guess. I wouldn't rule them out as girlfriend material if they had put out on a first date before. Especially when I don't know them well. This dude doesn't agree with it, but he's not demonizing people who disagree with him. What are your thoughts on sex on the first date? You can follow the author, Jessica Booth , on Twitter or Instagram.