Graduate work at Moody Bible Institute. His books are inexpensive paperbacks that are theological in nature: Read them in the archive below. If you like what you're reading, you can get free daily updates through the RSS feed here. Thanks for stopping by! My husband has not only committed adultery but has done so repeatedly throughout our 33 years of marriage. One such adultery continued 14 years until I discovered photos of the two children this woman had by him! It is amazing I did not drop over dead at that time …now seven years later ….
The losses may not be known until the judgment seat as ultimately we do not know the point of repentance that MAY result in these lives…. He doesn not think of their lives …and they are clueless to realize what damage they do to themselves as they solicite him. SO I write this.. IF ans when a man loves God and cares about pleasing HIM then he will do an ongoing effort to love his wife..
He is careful to guard his affection for the Lord and his wife. It is still a preditory attitude which steals, kills and destroys. THis is a very real outcome that many are finding themselves dealing with. The reprobate mind is also a very real condition which after the seven years of trying to engage my husband who is always looking for ways to avoid being around me …to avoid eye contact…and who has confessed he wishes he had never been born …he has no hope and still rejects and refuses to heed wise counsel …from anyone.
Coming from a very weak RC background …they stood aside when their son became involved in bible classes and fellowship as he met and began to court me …HOWEVER I did not realize the impact of this on his life. I believed the teaching I was under at the time that IF someone was confessing and walking in the way of Jesus Chrsit and growing in study of the Word …they would grow and be a good spouse.
No one can get close enough to know. He is secretive and I respected this desire believing that as time went by he would become more comfortable and open up more and more.. I see now that he is a man that seeks relationships with weak and vulnerable people …women who do not know or believe themselves of worth …or believe that he treats them better than the abusers they might have known before …and children who do not know how to tell a good man from a dishonest one. Sadly it has destroyed all things past and present and possibly future in his life and damaged the same of all of us.
We have been in the process of trying to continue healing and leaning upon the Lord …it is hard… despite the walk I have had over 45 years …. Jack Wellman February 3, at 9: I fear that many will someday hear Matthew 7: Away from me, you evildoers! You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much.
Enter into the joy of your master. Kris February 4, at 2: I grieve every day for the loss of not just me and our family but for my husband and those like him who do not realize that there IS NO escape from reality. This age keeps people running from one form of escape to another. The testimony is clear as one may look at people from history …and even contemporary …dealing with ONE person in relationship is a lifetime project…and to marry is a great opportunity to have a helper in the task of overcoming flesh, and identifying and avoiding deception IF both are willing to regard the truth of the Word and invest time and focus upon GOD.
Keep up the great loving work that you do. Jack Wellman February 4, at What a yoke you have in this life, but amazingly, to the glory of God, you endure and go on even amidst such terrible circumstances.
Sadly, there is not much you can do unfortunately that you have not already been doing. I believe your husband may be deceived thinking he is a believer. Misery in this life will be replaced by unspeakable joy in the next Rom 8: Thank you for being faithful and putting Christ first in your life because many in your circumstance would fall away and turn bitter but not you…you providence strong evidence of the Holy Spirit working in you, through you, and living in you Kris.
I fight being bitter , especially when my husband will ignore my effort to communicate …not replying to emails, or texts …and only briefly when finances are a needed topic. I know others are having a lot worse situations. Some completely abandoned and left to fend for themselves …for the continued financial supply I thank God that through all of this my husband had too much pride to leave us entirely alone.
I also read many of those who suffer physical abuses and so I am thankful this is not my lot. When a person is a widow or widower there is much support due to the obvious knowledge by those who may be close or even in the public realm of the network of acquaintances. There is a rally around to some degree. Grieving is indeed difficult in any situation but as the Word tells us we do well to grieve with those who grieve….
I am growing a new network of believers slowly in a church I began to attend. Learning to lean upon the Lord in these times is something we must continue to do. I feel the sorrow mostly for our daughters who are adults and have a very large obstacle in dealing with this. This person has been one kind of person all their lives and now they have to deal with all that he was not being who he actually is!
He was the picture of the perfect man. Be careful what you perceive with your flesh. All growth and perfection in our character and walk is possible in Jesus Christ as we grow up unto Him. I had not counted on a complete reverse in his attitude about the Lord.
I DID realize that if he kept up company with people who had no interest in Jesus Christ or the Bible and left off being among believers that he might become weak in the faith. He turned his back distinctly upon God and all that GOD tells us to be concerned about in choices we make.
He would not go with me to anything that had to do with believers. He would not read the Bible. It seems that he was deliberate in removing any and all aspects of his walk.
I can only see this as a demonstration of the work of the demonic realm. When one person in a marriage is intentional and growing in the Word and following the Lord then the devil looks to the one that is not all that urgent about it to attack all of the family in order to create havoc.
I know that was referring to the casting out of demons but I think it applies as well to the household where the husband is taken out by way of lust , greed and pride. The husband is the one who is responsible for the jurisdiction of the household and is the HEAD…. The change was dramatic and swift but I continued thinking that if I would be faithful to the Lord and keep on growing and encouraging and admiring my husband that he would change his mind. In short he wanted to remain a boy.
His life after our child was born did not indicate any turning from his lust for more attention, admiration, new toys in terms of shining sports cars and trips for himself with his father and brother and his friends. High end luxuries were added in more and more. All of the effort I made to follow after what I was being taught about the responsibilities of a wife were actually not useful to any degree to gain any of his appreciation or contentment.
He presumed not only upon me but many others who took upon themselves the tasks my husband left undone. He was not even thankful to any of them. He seemed to feel entitled to have things all his way. As I read books to advise me in how to engage my husband I found them only discouraging because nothing worked. When a person is devoted to pleasing flesh …their own or others they will not regard anything that threatens to deter that aim.
I am seeing that his mind and heart are set against doing anything that might give me hope for his changing his mind. I think I am weak in this area …. He is quite charming. They were concerned about the sexual harassmentt issue. I wonder sometimes how that effected his attitude. Even as they had a multiple law suit over this issue at the time as a Corp.
They took special care to train their people how to avoid being accused of such things. I wonder if it did not fan the flames of resentment so that there was a covert effort to retaliate but appear to be sympathetic.
I tried to warn him of how it was causing me pain.. Though he once worked in a jewelry store in college and had a pinky ring which his family gave him …indeed I never observed him wear a ring. He did not object when my brother who is jeweler made a ring I designed for him for our wedding. He was becoming successful among his peers just fine doing it his own way.
God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble and many many times it is the gathering of those who have finally become humbled to the degree that they seek GOD.
I pray for my husband to repent but I also know what it might mean in terms of his life and his lifestyle ahead…It will probably take some REALLY tough times to bring him to this point …. But a soul is at stake. I am thankful I can express my various sorrows and some of the things I have been learning as I have determined that whatever this situation brings about I want to learn from the Lord and study of the Word all that I may.
For the sake of my own walk and if useful to share the ups and downs and whatever might help another in the same boat. One thing my husband said about this was that he did not think the damage would be this great …nice to hear but as time goes on apparently that is not enough to cause him to want to deal with it.
We discussed all kinds of possibilities before marriage …including adultery and how to avoid it …what it would do in heartbreak and yet once he did not get everything his own way he began to pout and then withdraw …I was pregnant …another thing you do not know how it will effect your body or marriage …and so he did not communicate about his various things.
I did not know what was bothering him. Whenever I perceived something was bothering him and would ask about it.. One of the things I noticed as I considered HOW this happened was that it was not the people involved that proved to be all that important to him but the activity he wanted to do.
Much of what was offered was not all that different than what would grow the bond , affection and relationship of marriage!
He uses the mind of man to eventually bring about behaviors that suit his devious plans. Man MUST submit to the renewing of the mind through study of the Word for it is the knowledge of Jesus Christ and all that GOD gives us in instruction that keeps and guards the heart that is humble to it and willing to follow …no matter WHAT the cost. We live in times where we draw near to the end of the age …the rapture is now on our horizon…at one time I studied materials that denied the rapture but I have had the rapture confirmed in further study of scripture and I see it as truth.