But none of those by themselves will necessarily have her soften all warm-putty-like into your hairy masculine arms. I wish I could say I figured this one out by myself, but a lady friend had to point this out.
Once she did, I looked back to my own intimate relationships and saw overwhelming evidence for her case everywhere. We were having coffee when she started telling me about her new boyfriend. He was refined and kind, loving and intelligent. He was a creative artist, and an accomplished one at that.
She felt him a good man and she was happy. She has a dog. On this particular morning, when the dog woke her up as usual, her new beau opened his eyes, looked at her and with nary a hesitation, issued the most magical three-word spell she could recall ever hearing from a man. I will demonstrate my deep commitment to your care by ensuring you can stay warm under the covers and linger in this moment of blissful embodied reverie.
That whole second paragraph is my rough translation as I believe my friend heard it. But first he said it. And then he actually did it. All he did was walk her dog. My two moms married to my two fathers held my two childhood worlds together. Women are equal to men in terms of inherent human worth and value.
They should have every legal right that any man has. However, my understanding of sex equality completely overlooked certain ways my more feminine female partners and I were genuinely different. We yearned differently, meaning we experienced the world in rather different ways, even wanting different things from each other.
For example, just holding a woman and making love with her is often a different experience for me than it is for my partners. Failing too often to account for such differences, I have struggled in most of my intimate relationships with women. Any foray into masculine-feminine dynamics risks offending those who hear those terms being used synonymously.
Sometimes those energies can switch back and forth between partners. I simply want to convey that when I look back through my life, I see far too often that I left my feminine partners to fend for themselves in ways large and small. And sometimes our partners will genuinely want to bear their own burdens, or bear them equally alongside us, or even bear ours for us. I invite you to say to yourself a few times: Do you feel your chest rise a bit, your breathing deepen, your backbone straighten?
Do you come alive and start looking around the room for some challenge to take on? Or do you prefer imagining someone say it to you? Does the thought of your partner whispering it to you all sexy-like make your body soften and your heartbeat quicken? Does it set your yearning alight? Which seems healthy to me, actually.
Any mature adult should be able to take care of themselves in the modern world. That would just be exhausting for me and eventually frustrating for her.