Top of Page — December 2, — For a year and a half, my 17 year old daughter has been dating a young man who is now a freshman in college. She has tried to convince me that she wants to follow him to school even though that school was never on her list of choices.
Additionally, she has withdrawn from other friends at school and church. Both my wife and I are very worried about this relationship and have suggested that they go their separate ways, but to no avail. Recently he came to my house and after 45 minutes of conversation where I asked him to let my daughter enjoy her final year of high school and go off to college without the ball and chain of a young relationship, he basically told me that he didn't care what I said and that he would continue to reach out to my daughter.
Just so you know, my conversation was on the heels of a conversation with my wife where he cornered her at school as well. We have basically told this boy to go away as we are trying to protect my daughter from a very toxic relationship with someone who has emotional scars from a very bad situation with his own father.
There is always more to the story, but I think this should provide the necessary context for you. But when parents push teens in one direction, they are sometimes tempted to pursue the opposite path—just to show their independence.
You and your wife should certainly encourage your daughter to apply to colleges that are a better fit for her than the one her boyfriend now attends. Maintaining a good relationship with your daughter should be a goal, one that will allow you and your wife to continue to be sources of influence in her life, and that would be best for all of you.
Top of Page — November 19, — My daughter is 18 and is graduating from high school this year in June. She has a boyfriend that I do not approve of and I have blocked him from our house because of many things that he has done.
He doesn't treat her very well and I think he cares more about fighting with me than he does her. They have decided that they are going to move in together this summer. I told her if they do move in together or if she moves out of our house at all—that she is on her own and I will not financially support her through college as I had originally intended to do.
She will not be able to afford college without our funds because she won't have enough financial aid to cover school. Am I right in making this a condition of the support? But if you move ahead with your threat to take away your financial support of her college education, you may be removing her from your life more completely than you actually intend.
If he is as awful as you think, hopefully, she will realize that in time. When your daughter goes to college, she will more opportunities to meet people and learn how to critically examine her choices. That might mean that she will decide that her boyfriend is not right for her. I offered to help with a plane ticket and she said no. I also told her to go by bus and she said no.
I also said that I would drop her off, also no. Perhaps there's a reason your daughter is so set on driving—maybe part of her excitement about the trip is that it's a road trip and an opportunity to feel independent. Try talking to your daughter again about the trip. Find out why she doesn't want to fly or take the bus and see if there's anything that would change her mind. You should also explain what your concerns are about her driving. Maybe she'll be able to find a way to address your concerns and help you feel more comfortable with the trip, such as by agreeing to stop for breaks a couple of times during the trip or contacting you when she gets to a rest stop and when she arrives at her destination.
Hopefully by each of you explaining your perspective, you'll be able to find a compromise that allows your daughter to still go on the trip and not be upset with you. Top of Page — October 22, — My 13 year old grandson of whom I have custody, is tormenting me over and over about wanting to go to this two-day venue at the shoreline here in Mountain View, CA.
It's a concert with several rappers. It's expensive, yet aside from the money, I'm trying to explain he can not go without a supervising adult. I can not believe that another parent would allow their 13 year old to go with an 18 year old brother. On the lawn at the shoreline is smoking weed, drinking, and the crowd these names may draw in—who I'm not too fond of. My concern is that he is a boy I haven't seen get this emotional and cry for anything.
He gets depressed and I don't want this to push him over the edge. I'm trying to seek outside counseling for him. Am I being too strict? He has never given me a reason not to trust him. But this concert is one that is out of the ordinary. If you are able to accompany your grandson to the concert, that might be an opportunity for some bonding between the two of you and can expose you to a new and possibly fun experience. Since you say that he tends to get depressed, one way to support him is by finding a therapist who can help him learn coping techniques that he will need as he navigates adolescence.
Top of Page — October 8, — Hi, My 18 year old daughter has a new boyfriend. He is 18 also. She met him a year ago at a church camp. At the time she was in trouble and had her phone taken away long term. We allowed her to text her friends using my phone. After a couple of months this boy sent a message saying he was in love with her. They hardly knew each other and hadn't seen each other. We told her that, although that was special, he appeared to have relationship issues and it would be best to not encourage any relationship.
When she turned 18 we gave her a new phone. A few months back she and this boy rekindled a friendship. Last week she told us that he asked her to date him exclusively and she accepted. Mind you they still had not seen each other since camp over a year ago.
Our daughter told us that he had recently been engaged to his old girlfriend. We warned her that this didn't feel right and to be careful. To give you some history, we asked her to not have a boyfriend until she was 18 but she betrayed our trust twice and did anyway, and neither relationship ended well. Now after 2 weeks they are talking marriage and planning a life together.
They've met once now a week ago in person, the first time they had seen each other since camp. Our daughter told us she was meeting friends but did not explain he would be there. I must confess I checked out his Facebook and found out they were meeting. I did not stop her but afterwards I looked at his FB and saw an inappropriate picture of her sitting on his lap.
I was angry so I sent him a personal message. We have not even met him yet. So we set a new house rule that we need to meet all dates prior to our daughter going out even though she is 18 and told her she is not to see him again until we have met him. She is the youngest of five and the first to date someone while still at home so we never felt we needed this sort of rule in the past.
But with her deception about bf's in the past we feel this is important. Her boyfriend got mad that I sent him the message. My daughter and I have had a couple of good heart to heart talks even after I sent him the message.
I told her she or he best not block me from FB. She knows I have been checking his out. She actually told me I should ask to become his friend on FB. This week he and she started sending suggestive pics and memes to each other and calling each other babe and baby. I saw these on my daughter's timeline, not on his Facebook. They really do not know one another that well, neither are very responsible, and I am very concerned as to where this is going.
I confronted my daughter about the inappropriate suggestive pics and memes, which she sees nothing wrong with. She is out of town until tomorrow. I decided to offer a branch of peace to him and explain my concern by sending him another message, hoping to start over and let him know we want to give him a chance.
I discovered that he blocked me on his Facebook. I am not sure how to respond to my daughter when she returns home tomorrow. We do not know this boy. We know he has issues, was taken from his mom because of her abuse of him at 16 and was moved across the country from his mom and siblings, and he was living with his aunt and uncle near us, and they kicked him out after he turned We don't know why.
Our daughter won't tell us the reason. She says he wants to meet us and he can explain that himself, but he makes no effort to meet us. I know it's been only a couple of weeks. I assume he is very angry with me. I do not know him and want to give him the benefit, I wish I was granted the same. I am a kind and friendly person but you mess with my kids and I kick into protection mode. I am a concerned mom. I did not post anything on the inappropriate memes or pics, only spoke to my daughter, and I am sure she relayed the message to him and now he has blocked me.
I have warned her that that best not happen. I want to treat her as the young adult she is and respect her but she is not acting very maturely. We need to be respected too, she is living in our home. I expect him to respect us also since we are her parents. I have told her many times this past couple of weeks that they are moving way too fast and being immature.
I know she might listen to someone else but I am mom so I know nothing.