We live in a sexual culture overwhelmingly focused on intercourse. Sex in books, movies, and on TV is dominated by the old in-and-out. But for many lovers, sex that revolves around intercourse is problematic: Intercourse simply does not provide enough direct clitoral stimulation to allow most women to come.
Then, starting soon after 40, as women begin the long transition to menopause , many more develop vaginal dryness that lube may not resolve, and eventually, the vaginal wall thins vaginal atrophy , which can mean pain on intercourse.
As men age, an increasing proportion suffer balky erections. Viagra and the other erection drugs usually help, but not always. As a result, the notion that sex equals intercourse leaves many couples frustrated. It requires some effort, adjustments on the part of both lovers—and change is never easy, especially in erotic repertoire.
But if you find intercourse problematic, sex without it allows hot, fulfilling lovemaking for life. It involves the same leisurely, playful, whole-body touching, caressing, and massage that sex therapists recommend to all lovers.
But it eliminagtes vaginal intercourse, focusing instead on all the other ways couples can enjoy marvelous genital pleasure: For many couples, great sex without intercourse means experimenting, which can feel strange. But novelty is key to sexual zing. Doing things differently stimulates the brain to release dopamine , and dopamine heightens erotic intensity. In other words, if you adopt some new non-intercourse moves, lovemaking without intercourse can feel more pleasurable than ever.
But is your honey providing the caresses that really excite you? In that case, the man can show the woman exactly how he likes to be stroked by demonstrating it for her.
But it serves three important functions. It clearly shows her which strokes turn you on the most. It helps her provide the most stimulating caresses. And it increases her confidence in her own erotic prowess and attractiveness. Intimacy is all about self-revelation, disclosing who you really are. Fellatio is also a major component of great sex without intercourse.
They can derive great pleasure from oral sex even if only partially erect or even flaccid. In addition, a firm erection is not necessary for ejaculation and orgasm. Couples experimenting with sex without intercourse might also try penis sleeves, artificial vaginas or mouths that, when lubricated, feel remarkably close to the real thing. Penis sleeves, available from sex toy marketers, can be easily incorporated into partner lovemaking. Only 25 percent of women are reliably orgasmic during intercourse.
In other words, three-quarters of women need direct clitoral stimulation to experience orgasm. In doggy style, the man can reach around. Or in the woman-on-top position, she can masturbate or he can place a fist on his abdomen and she can lean into it. But the way most couples make love, intercourse does not provide sufficient stimulation for women to enjoy orgasms, a big reason why sex without intercourse can feel so satisfying.
Meanwhile, for women who enjoy feeling filled up, dildos and phallic vibrators can be godsends. The woman can use them on herself with the man watching, or holding and gently caressing her. Or the woman can coach the man about how she likes things inserted. Most women prefer toys and their vaginas to be well lubricated before slow, gentle introduction. Or the man might use a strap-on dildo for more of an intercourse feel see my recent post about playing with strap-ons. Sex toy marketers offer dildos, vibrators, and strap-ons.
But lovemaking without intercourse can be a marvelous alternative for lovers of any age who have trouble doing it like they do in movies.