Well you can't because — contrary to rumours — the Vanessa Hudgens sex tape does not exist. That's right, there is no Vanessa Hudgens sex tape, so you'll never get to see what Vanessa Hudgens looks like when she's having sex. Unless, you know, you carefully print and cut out all those naked Vanessa Hudgens pictures from the internet, stick naked pictures of yourself next to them and make a sort of ramshackle flick-book with them. That kind of works. Now that Miley Cyrus has been exposed as a seatbelt-shunning bitch from hell , people have started to forget about the Tween Scene's original scandalbasket, Vanessa Hudgens.
And that's terrible, because when year-old girls from wholesome teenage musicals with deliberate moral centres take naked photos of themselves that accidentally get onto the internet — and then they quickly follow them up with some vaguely lesbian photos — it should be applauded, not condemned as filth.
But try telling that to Disney, which nearly dropped Vanessa Hudgens from High School Musical 3 until it had a change of heart and tentatively signed Vanessa up for the movie. However, word quickly got around recently that High School Musical 3 wasn't the only movie that Vanessa Hudgens would be in — there was also the Vanessa Hudgens sex tape movie. According to reports, the Vanessa Hudgens sex tape featured Vanessa spread-eagled naked in front of a Christmas tree saying preposterous double-entendres like: Because it's made of brick and twice a year you pay a dirty-faced cockney urchin to shove an extendable brush up there?
That doesn't make any sense. But of course it doesn't make any sense, because Vanessa Hudgens didn't actually say that. And she didn't say it because the Vanessa Hudgens sex tape doesn't exist.
The story originally appeared last September on barely-read, fractionally amusing Onion rip-off website Pugbus, as Portable Planet reports: There are multiple reports that she made a naughty tape the day she took those photo as well. The story actually originated last year Postcards from the Pug Bus, which is a satire website. It is presented for entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of thing seriously. But still, if we can't see a real Vanessa Hudgens sex tape, then maybe this imaginary Vanessa Hudgens sex tape will be the next best thing.
Imagine that, a sex tape that doesn't actually exist. God, if only Gene Simmons had that idea first.