Why don't we just cuddle? You know they have surgery to fix that. My last boyfriend was 4" bigger. Oh no, a flash headache! My 8-year-old brother has one like that. This explains your car. Are you one of those pygmies? Why is God punishing you?
But it still works, right? Do you take steroids? Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes? If you get me real drunk first. Is that an optical illusion? It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
Does it come with an air pump? So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality. As if my hangover weren't bad enough, you're still here.
Be a sweetheart and slide down the laundry chute when you let yourself out? Can you validate my parking? Gotta run — I'm late to confession! Bless you, my son. It puts the lotion in the basket Oh, Susan, I love how your toe tag matches the blue in your eyes.
Ugh, what a mess! Can I borrow a pair of your underwear? Wait — you don't own a dog? You know, you looked a lot better in low light with your head bobbing up and down. Your wife called, but don't worry — I told her that you were sleeping off the booze and coke and several hours of intense fornicatin'.
Are those my teeth or yours? Man, it smells like a Turkish prison in here. My lawyer will be in touch with you. Okay, now remind me Sorry about the whole get-drunk-and-screw thing. That idea o' yours would make a great Senate resolution. Here, lemme give you Hillary's number Those marks should heal in about a week.
Looks like I need to adjust the prescription on my beer goggles again. You aren't allergic to penicillin, are you? You have the right to remain silent. You have the right to an attorney Your Mom called and can't wait to meet me. Over easy — just like you. You look just like Ernest Borgnine, even in that dress! Sorry, but I should probably get home before I sober up. Thanks, I had a great time. Can you just send me the bill for your replacement prosthetic?
Have you ever considered responding to one of those, um, 'male enlargement' ads? Could I get you to sign this diary for my parole officer? Is there any chance you could drop me off at the methadone clinic on your way back into town? You look a lot, um, less sexy without the burqua. Remember last night when I said that I run TopFive? Well, I lied — I'm just a contributor.
For breakfast, I usually have some fava beans and a nice Chianti. Before you leave, would you like to see some sexually arousing video of me and a monkey? Look over there at that houseplant and wave We're like two ships that just use each other to dump bilge in the night. Hand me my penis, will ya? A striking example of the essential similarity of the two languages.
Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz SL convertible. In the year , in Lyon, France, 43 Catholic bishops and 20 men representing other bishops, after a lengthy debate, took a vote. The results were 32 yes, 31 no. Women were declared human by one vote. Would that we could fall into her arms without falling into her hands. What do women and condoms have in common?
They both spend more time in your wallet than on your penis. China has opium, Islam has hashish, the West has woman. He did this in a totally free and sovereign way. Because Mad Cow Disease was taken. La Physiologie du mariage. A woman must never be free of subjugation. You remind me of the sea. Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting? NO, because you make me sick! But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
She is simply a woman who has done her best to snare a man and has failed. Left and drag the idiot to the right. They should, in fact, be segregated as they are the cause of hideous and involuntary erections in holy men. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.
She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit. A beautiful woman is one I notice. A charming woman is one who notices me. But when u mess up it hurts If you get far enough, you have to fight Hitler himself. That's exactly why you should never hire a butler if you strike it rich — the minute that Jeeves starts unloading the dishwasher without being asked, your wife is going to start humping his leg.
She's deaf and dumb and over-sexed. And owns a liquor store. Girls are fucked up. Women understand women, and they HATE each other. Historically, man has always been attracted to Evil. I just asked her what the paper was about and she said the accomplishments and growth of feminism. Did not go down once. Only sissies liked girls? What I'm trying to tell you is that nothing's changed. You think boys grow out of not liking girls, but we don't grow out of it.
We just grow horny.