Yes, it happens, but generally they start out with something else. Why people say they are not having sex: The real reasons couples stop having sex: Someone has pulled out of the relationship. One partner, usually over the course of a year or more, has withdrawn emotionally from the relationship — he or she has one foot or two out the door.
When this happens, it becomes very difficult for the couple to make any progress on difficult issues like sex , because the EXIT is never far away.
And for some people, one foot leads to two feet, which leads in turn to an affair or other infidelity. It may be that one partner has never felt safe in sexual situations — as a survivor of, or witness to, sexual abuse or violence, for example.
Loss of sexual connection can result from an unresolved incidents or issues sexual or not in the current relationship, which are causing distance to grow between the partners. This set of problems is often exacerbated by co-using and codependency factors, leading both partners to deny that there is a problem at all. As a mentor of mine used to say about ADHD , this category of issues is both over- and under-diagnosed.
More often than not, it is the insecurities that it gives rise to that need the attention. When these issues are not faced directly and talked about, partners can start isolating from one another. Feeling angry, sad, hurt, disappointed, embarrassed, guilty, shameful — and believing that you have to keep it to yourself, hide it from your nearest and dearest, perhaps even from everyone, is a dreadful burden to carry and can have a big impact on your sexual desire.
It will eat away at your self esteem, destabilize your moods, cause you to isolate yourself, and undermine your relationship. So what can we do right now to start having sex again? Schedule time for it. And you each need to create the space for your partner to tell her or his story. Listen openly and compassionately to what your partner is saying. Let him or her know that you have heard and understood.
Start slowly, focus on building safety. Save the simultaneous orgasms for later. Get to know each other, and reveal yourselves to one another at a pace you can maintain. Start telling the truth. Remember, this is not just about getting what you want, or giving it to your partner. His specialties include couples counseling and premarital counseling, and he provides therapy in English and French.