When I start assessing the situation I usually find a combination of the following 10 causes for low sexual desire in women. They are all generally related to violations of the pleasure principle. Fortunately, they can all be treated with a high degree of success. The pleasure principle is simply this: We desire to engage that which we enjoy. We do not desire to engage what we do not enjoy. To help you understand these 10 reasons I need to define for you the 2 types of sexual arousal.
It is possible to have one kind of arousal without the other, and each can lead to the other. Fatigue — Low Sexual Desire Men and women are different. One of the differences is in the way fatigue effects sexual arousal in women.
If unaddressed it will likely leave you feeling less and less interested in sex as time goes by. God designed sexual desire to lead women into an emotionally intimate relationship and to enjoy sexual expression in the context of an emotionally safe and connected relationship- i. Couples who love each other very much and are safe with each other can get emotionally disconnected just from the busyness of life getting in the way.
That pairing can even bleed into an association with your spouse in general, which can lead to resentment and loss of respect for your spouse. Trauma — Low Sexual Desire If you have had negative emotional experiences associated with sexuality, this can significantly impact your sexual desire. Examples of sexual trauma that might impact your sexual desire include: Being sexual in ways that left you feeling guilty or ashamed at an earlier time in your life.
Having been touched or made to act in sexual ways as a kid that made you feel uncomfortable by friends, siblings, babysitters, a parent, or another adult. Sexual experiences that have been painful physically or emotionally. Exposures to pornographic materials as a kid. This can be true even if you are taking steps to prevent pregnancy.
This is different than men, who are more driven by how attractive they find their spouse then how attractive they think they themselves are. If you feel uncomfortable with your body or believe it is unattractive this is going to get in the way of you wanting to be naked with your spouse. This can also take the form of you lacking confidence in engaging sexually.
If you are afraid your attempts at being sexy will come off as awkward and embarrassing, you are more likely to avoid sexual encounters. Pleasing God and being horny are seen to be incompatible. This is especially true for those who grew up in a very religious home. What follows is feeling bad about yourself any time you experience sexual feelings.
So you learn to shut down your sexual feelings. This tends to get in the way of desire for sex. Busyness — Low Sexual Desire Work, kids, church, groceries, dinner, laundry, Bible study, small group, friends, family, Facebook….
Who has time or energy for sex? Finding time or mental focus for romance is harder than it sounds. Many people just like you have struggled with these things getting in the way of their sex life.
As sex therapists, we know how to troubleshoot your difficulties and help you with a plan to overcome them. Curious why sexual desire seems to change for a woman after marriage? Check out this article: We would love to hear your thoughts and answer your questions.
Have fun and thanks for adding to the conversation!