It causes tension, fights, and hurt feelings. Often both partners feel misunderstood and frustrated. Regardless of their satisfaction level, most couples will eventually have some conflict regarding sex.
Research shows that one of the most common fights couples have centers around sexual frequency or how often the couple is engaging in sexual intimacy. Stereotypically this involves a male partner seeking higher frequency than his female counterpart but this is not always the case.
Regardless, unmet expectations in the bedroom can trickle over and cause communication problems, a lack of emotional connection, and general instability in the relationship. So how do you counter such negativity? What is the right amount of sex? How much sex should a couple have? How do you avoid negative conflict about sexual intimacy? For the partner wanting more: Understand intimacy is a two-way street. Sex obviously involves two people.
It is very clear from research that sex is more fulfilling, enjoyable, and satisfying if both partners have a desire for that intimacy. For the partner wanting less: Understand that your partner is likely seeking connection, not physical gratification.
Often the person who wants less sex views their partner as sex crazed and overly focused on the physical element of the relationship. It can feel like this is all your partner cares about. It is important for the person desiring less sex to realize that attempts to engage in sex are one of the best signs of a healthy relationship and are often coming from a desire for both physical and emotional connection.
In our modern world there are plenty of places that people can turn to online or otherwise if they are only seeking personal gratification. Treat such attempts as such and be careful about how your reaction might be overly negative or feel rejecting to your partner.
Talk about the taboo. Even among married couples who have been sexually intimate for many years, sex can be a taboo topic. In order to engage in healthy communication it is vital that such couples bring issues related to sex out in the open.
While it may not sound romantic, scheduling intimacy can be a very practical and useful thing for many couples especially those with children. Schedule that rain check for the next day and then spend the day flirting and teasing each other. Make it something you both look forward too. Above all else, talk about intimacy and sex. While these things may help many couples avoid conflict regarding the frequency of sex, it is unlikely to help larger and more conflictual issues some couples may be experiencing.
I have had extra marital relations and since then have contemplated divorce on numerous occasions. I am very frustrated and tired and pretty much at my wits end, do you have any advice?