Sex begins in the body. Men have massive amounts of testosterone coursing through their bodies, pushing and driving them toward sexual expression. Erections spring at the slightest provocation in young men. And for an adult man, seeing his wife or partner coming out of the shower naked causes his body to react. For men, sex is a hunger. Yes, he wants to be full. But his craving for sex is like a craving for chocolates: His mind is captivated by the thought of an opportunity to feel delighted and surprised.
A day is hardly complete without dessert. Yet, the context of the relationship — for instance, a fight with his wife — can still spoil his appetite.
He pushes through daily monotony, tantalized by the fantasy of a sexual reward at the end of a hard day. Since orgasm is usually reliable and easy, a variety of sexual acts, positions, and rhythms seem to be a fantastic way to explore and elevate his gratification.
Every flirtation , smile, innuendo, shapely figure, or sexual image, whether fantasized or real, is a hit on the male brain. His brainwaves spike with elation just at the hint of something or someone reminding him of sex. Sex is the way he gives love. The moment his partner gets turned on is often the moment men describe as most sexually satisfying. In their hearts, there is an expectation of mutual, exquisite bodily pleasure. He often concocts and fantasizes about how to make it better for her, begging for information about her erotic desires, just so he can improve as a lover.
Sexual release makes men feel like they are finally home. Making love literally creates a deep feeling of attachment to his partner and spurs relational generosity , faith , and optimism. Being desired by his partner can be the single most reassuring part of his relationship. While most women may wish for an emotional connection before having a physical connection, for men sexual connection is often necessary to feel safe enough for emotional vulnerability.
Laurie is available for sex therapy and marriage counseling online. Be sure to read the following responses to this post by our bloggers: